On Sunday, my husband and I spoke in our ward's sacrament meeting. In our Church, we have no paid clergy and regular members take turns speaking on gospel topics each week as part of our first meeting. It's been a few years since I've had the chance to talk, but I was grateful to share my thoughts.
Drawing on the Powers
of Heaven in Our Homes
Sixteen years ago, I became a mother for the
first time. I was convinced that I was
well-prepared and certainly ready to be the best mom that ever walked the face
of the earth. Armed with a degree in
Family Science, with a head full of scientific studies and child development
theories, I just knew that if I did everything right, my kids would wind up
smart, talented, perfectly behaved, spiritual giants who never quarreled, threw
temper tantrums, or tested me.
My plan went well at
first. I loved being a mother and I had
a perfect baby who smiled all the time.
People complimented me on her and asked me what my secret was.
Then after 18 months, the
façade of peace was shattered. I now had
two children, not enough time or hands to do it all perfectly, and a toddler
who liked to express her own views on life.
I remember talking to a friend when my kids were ages 2 and 6
months. As I pulled one of them off the
other, I said, “You know how King Benjamin said ‘Suffer not your children to fight and quarrel with one another?’ I
didn’t realize before now that THAT’S MY WHOLE JOB as a mother.” At that time, I felt like all I did all day
was keep my kids from killing one another.
I began to realize that I
needed HELP – a lot of it. My humility
and desire for God’s help and wisdom has only increased as the years have
passed and more children joined our family.
Sometimes I wish for the easier days when all I had to do in the day was
keep my kids from killing each other. We
now have nine children, and new challenges throw themselves at us all the time.
For instance, in July, we’ll
be welcoming a little boy into our home for the first time in 13 years. After six girls in a row, I’m not sure I
remember life back in the Buzz Lightyear, lightsaber, buddy days. My poor son might have to suffer a few months
of being called “princess” and “sweetheart” before I adjust.
We’ve all heard the quote that
says, “Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now, I
have six children, and no theories.” I
feel a bit like that, except for one thing.
I still have one theory left,
and it goes something like this: “The
prophets know what they are talking about, and we can count on the promises of
God in our lives.”
Today, I want to talk about
how to draw down the powers of heaven into our homes and our lives. Whatever our challenges and our family
circumstances – married or single, too many or too few children, healthy or
ill, stressed out or lonely, we need God’s help in creating peace in our homes
that can sustain us in a troubled world.
I’ll be talking today about applying these principles in my life with my
family, but I know that these can be applied in any circumstances.
In D&C 82: 10, it says, “I,
the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye
have no promise.”
A few weeks ago, I passed out a handout in Relief Society
about some of the promises the prophets have given us in association with
studying the scriptures, compiled by Elder Scott. (I then read a few of the
promises given on the handout, which is below*)
Which one among us does not need more peace, more unity,
more love, and more revelation in their lives?
We can count on these promises as we make the changes we need to make
these things habits in our lives.
I’ll be taking a lot of my talk from Elder Scott’s Address
last October about four tools to help us come unto Christ. He says: “When
these tools become fundamental habits, they provide the easiest way to find
peace in the challenges of mortality.”
So what are “Fundamental Habits?” What are some of the fundamental habits in
your life? Most of us go through
routines without even thinking about why or how we’re doing them. We brush our teeth, shower, dress, and go
through a routine for our lives. We may
have the same things for breakfast every day or do the same thing for our
lunchtime routine. For some of us younger
folks, the first thing we might do in the morning is pull out our phones to
check our email and social media.
Do we have to think about whether or not we’ll brush our
teeth every day? Do we give much thought
to whether or not we’ll remember to check our email? These are fundamental habits.
My hope is that we can turn the tools that the prophets have
given us to bless our lives and our families into the same kinds of fundamental
habits – so ingrained that we’ll feel weird if it doesn’t happen.
The four tools that Elder Scott focuses on in his talk are Prayer, Scripture Study, Family Home Evening, and Temple Attendance. I will take some time to talk about each one [because of time I didn’t get to say
much about temple attendance].
1. Prayer
·
Personal Prayer.
From Elder Scott: “The first tool
is prayer. Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every
day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that
concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most
mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and
experiences.”
We need to be sharing with God our
real experiences and feelings. We might
hold back from sharing some of our negative thoughts with him, but we need to
change this. I know I’ve felt a lot of
strength from being able to say in my prayers, “Heavenly Father, I’m really mad
right now. I’m frustrated and I don’t
feel like being kind. Please help me.” OR “I’m really tired right now and I don’t
want to do anything. Help me to find the
motivation to get working.” When we are
honest and heartfelt in our prayers, God will answer and hear us.
·
Family Prayer.
From Elder Scott: “Parents, help safeguard your children by arming them
morning and night with the power of family prayer.
Children are bombarded every day with the evils of lust, greed, pride, and a
host of other sinful behaviors. Protect your children from daily worldly
influences by fortifying them with the powerful blessings that result from
family prayer. Family prayer should be a nonnegotiable priority in your daily
life.”
2.
Scripture
Study Elder Scott said, “The second
tool is to study the word of God in the scriptures and the words of the living
prophets. We talk to God through prayer. He most often communicates back to us
through His written word. To know what the voice of the Divine sounds and feels
like, read His words, study the scriptures, and ponder them.“
I love that we can learn to discern and
hear the voice of the Divine through our daily scripture study. In a world with lots of confusing and
powerful voices and vices, we need to teach our children to know how to
recognize and understand what God’s voice feels like in their lives.
A friend of mine recently wrote: “my end goal as a parent is to help each one
of my children become independently dependent on the Holy Ghost. I want them to
depend on the Spirit in every decision they make, the small things and the big
ones. I honestly could die happy tomorrow if I knew that my children
could recognize the Spirit in their lives and would strive to have it with them
always. Why? Because circumstances vary and life throws curve-balls to us
all. Because we will each make mistakes and sometimes outright stupid
decisions. Because the way is unchanging and we can ALWAYS come back to it at
any point. Only when we learn to depend on the influence of the Holy
Ghost to guide us will we truly be successful in life, will be truly be driven
of our own accord to follow the prophets, will we truly be happy.“
I love that concept of being independently
dependent on the Holy Ghost. How do we
teach that to our children? By giving
them opportunities daily to feel the Spirit and experience the voice of God
through our scripture study. It doesn’t
have to be intense, long, or Pinterest-worthy.
It just has to be regular and consistent.
Elder Scott said, “Don’t yield to Satan’s
lie that you don’t have time to study the scriptures. Choose to take time to
study them. Feasting on the word of God each day is more important than sleep,
school, work, television shows, video games, or social media. You may need to
reorganize your priorities to provide time for the study of the word of God. If
so, do it!”
As a mother, I don’t know if I think anything is as important as sleep! But I’ll take Elder Scott’s words as true. We need to not let other things crowd out our daily scripture study. It may take some time and effort to make this a habit. There are lots of ways you could do it. Perhaps you set an alarm on your phone to go off every day to remind you. Or maybe you set a goal that you will not allow yourself to check email or social media until you have read from the scriptures. Whatever you need to do, do it. Make the changes you need to.
Elder Scott promises, “As you dedicate time
every day, personally and with your family, to the study of God’s word, peace
will prevail in your life. That peace won’t come from the outside world. It
will come from within your home, from within your family, from within your own
heart. It will be a gift of the Spirit. It will radiate out from you to
influence others in the world around you. You will be doing something very
significant to add to the cumulative peace in the world.”
3. Family Home Evening
Elder Scott says the third tool is Family
Home Evening. “While you are working to strengthen
your family and cultivate peace, remember this third tool: weekly family home
evening. Be cautious not to make your family home evening just an afterthought
of a busy day. Decide that on Monday night your family will be together at home
for the evening. Do not let employment demands, sports, extracurricular
activities, homework, or anything else become more important than that time you
spend together at home with your family.”
We’ve all heard the talk from Elder Bednar
about how important the small and simple things are in teaching our
family. He talks about the painting of a
wheat field on his wall. From a
distance, the painting is gorgeous, but up close, it is simply many seemingly
unrelated strokes of paint.
Elder Bednar says, “Each family prayer,
each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a
brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very
impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of
paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our
consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual
results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the
foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is
great” (D&C 64:33).
Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our
individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes.”
I thought it might be helpful to share what
some of our “strokes of paint” have been in regards to family home
evening. As I share, I hope you
recognize that not all of our experiences have been powerful or amazing. But the consistency over time adds up.
Four years ago, I wrote a guest blog aboutwhat Family Home Evening looked like in our home at that time, when we had
eight kids ages 11 and under. I wrote
then about some of our more meaningful experiences:
 |
| What our family looked like back then |
Here are a few of our memorable
family home evenings:
o
We once taught a lesson on gratitude by cutting
out pictures from National Geographic to show how people live in other parts of
the world. We’d seen some entitlement attitudes creep into our family and we
were able to teach “where much is given, much is required,” as well as
humility.
o
At the start of each school year, my husband
gives me and each child a blessing. It is always a powerful experience to hear
directly from Heavenly Father through those priesthood blessings.
o
My daughter taught about the Word of Wisdom once
by having three baskets, labeled “always,” “sometimes,” and “never.” She had
all sorts of pictures she’d cut out from magazines or printed from the computer
and had each child put their picture in the correct box.
o
Five years ago, we had a family home evening
where we had the children, all under age six, share with us what they wanted in
our next home. My husband and I added our own desires, and we began praying as
a family that we’d find the home with those things.
o
Four years ago, we moved into our completed home
and had a special prayer of dedication, blessing it to be a place of peace and
refuge and safety for the children we had then and the children who would still
join our family.
So those are some of our more meaningful
experiences. I also write a weekly email
describing what goes on in our lives.
Here are some of the more ordinary, regular experiences we had that
year:
·
On Monday, for our FHE lesson, we talked about
the pre-earth life and what it might have been like there. I shared with the
children how special it was for them to come to our family, and how exciting it
will be when our baby is born and we get to know her again. Then we talked
about each child in our family and everyone shared what they liked about them.
It was wonderful to hear good things about each child and the children thrived
on the positive attention from their siblings. When we tried to move from Sarah
to Eliza, she protested, "Hey, you need to say more about me!" It
also helped me to see my children more clearly and with more compassion.
·
[My husband] gave the lecture -- I mean, lesson
-- last week on obedience. It was needed.
·
Lillian was in charge of the Family Home Evening
lesson two weeks ago. She’s been wanting to address lying and stealing
(especially from HER room!) for some time, and she did a great job of it. She
had set up areas of the room labeled with “Sister’s Room” “Dad’s Office” and
“Kitchen.” Then she and Joey acted out a skit about a boy who keeps taking
things from each room and then lying about it. She had Joey carry a backpack
and each time he lied about something, she put a rock in it. She said that
lying makes life harder. She read a couple of short stories from the Friendmagazine
and then we talked about what the boy in the skit could have done better.
·
Last week, we had a particularly tough sacrament
meeting. The kids were all loud and had to be shushed and our zone defense was
breaking down. Even Lillian was talking loudly to Eliza several times. It
didn't help that Sarah lost her front tooth, one she's been wiggling for
several weeks, right during the sacrament prayer. She had amazing patience and
waited to show me until after the prayer, but that was all she could think
about the rest of the meeting. She wanted to show her new smile to everyone
around us, drew pictures of the "tooth bunny" and was very excited.
The lesson on Monday was about reverence and the purpose of going to sacrament
meeting -- to remember the Savior. I summarized the story out of the recent
Ensign about the family who had memorized the Living Christ document, but that
was about as far as we got because, ironically, no one was being reverent at
Family Home Evening either. We sent the kids to bed early, without treats.
Elder Scott promises us, “These four tools are fundamental
habits for securing your life in the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Remember our Savior is the Prince of Peace. Peace in this mortal life comes
from His atoning sacrifice. When we are consistently praying morning and night,
studying our scriptures daily, having weekly family home evening, and attending
the temple regularly, we are actively responding to His invitation to “come
unto Him.” The more we develop these habits, the more anxious is Satan to harm
us but the less is his ability to do so. Through the use of these tools, we
exercise our agency to accept the full gifts of His atoning sacrifice.”
I’m
grateful for the blessings and help I receive in my life because of prayer, and
scripture study. I’m grateful for the
crazy kids that I get to raise. I know I
need the help of heaven to do it well.
We can count on the promises God has given us. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
****
* Handout in Relief Society, taken from a footnote to Elder Scott's talk here:
President
Thomas S. Monson said: “As we read and ponder the scriptures, we will
experience the sweet whisperings of the Spirit to our souls. We can find
answers to our questions. We learn of the blessings which come through keeping
God’s commandments. We gain a sure testimony of our Heavenly Father and our
Savior, Jesus Christ, and of Their love for us. When scripture study is
combined with our prayers, we can of a certainty know that the gospel of Jesus
Christ is true. … As we remember prayer and take time to turn to the
scriptures, our lives will be infinitely more blessed and our burdens will be
made lighter” (“We Never Walk Alone,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 122).
President
Gordon B. Hinckley said: “Without reservation I promise you that if each
of you will observe this simple program, regardless of how many times you
previously may have read the Book of Mormon, there will come into your lives
and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened
resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony
of the living reality of the Son of God” (“A Testimony Vibrant and True,” Ensign or Liahona, Aug.
2005, 6).
President
Howard W. Hunter said: “Families are greatly blessed when wise fathers and
mothers bring their children about them, read from the pages of the scriptural
library together, and then discuss freely the beautiful stories and thoughts
according to the understanding of all. Often youth and little ones have amazing
insight into and appreciation for the basic literature of religion” (“Reading
the Scriptures,” Ensign,Nov. 1979, 64).
President
Ezra Taft Benson said: “Often we spend great effort in trying to increase the
activity levels in our stakes. We work diligently to raise the percentages of
those attending sacrament meetings. We labor to get a higher percentage of our
young men on missions. We strive to improve the numbers of those marrying in
the temple. All of these are commendable efforts and important to the growth of
the kingdom. But when individual members and families immerse themselves in the
scriptures regularly and consistently, these other areas of activity will
automatically come. Testimonies will increase. Commitment will be strengthened.
Families will be fortified. Personal revelation will flow” (“The Power of the
Word,” Ensign, May
1986, 81).
President
Spencer W. Kimball declared: “I find that when I get casual in my
relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening
and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away. If I immerse myself
in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns. I find
myself loving more intensely those whom I must love with all my heart and mind
and strength, and loving them more, I find it easier to abide their counsel” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church:
Spencer W. Kimball [2006],
67).
President
Marion G. Romney said: “I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will
read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and
with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our
homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual
respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention
will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom.
Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their
parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of
Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy,
and happiness” (“The Book of Mormon,” Ensign, May 1980, 67).
President
Boyd K. Packer said: “True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and
behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior
quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior” (“Do Not Fear,” Ensign or Liahona,May 2004, 79).
Elder
David A. Bednar said: “Each family prayer, each episode of family
scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of
our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just
as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and
produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small
things can lead to significant spiritual results” (“More Diligent and Concerned
at Home,” Ensign orLiahona, Nov. 2009, 19–20).
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