Friday, October 12, 2012

Love is hard work (Friday Favorites)

This one's a bit long, but so worth the read:

What Love Is and How it Saved My Marriage

The author, Melody Ross, shares what she learned about real love after her husband was brain-damaged in an accident.  Just a glimpse of her wisdom:

"Before all of this happened, I had fallen into the myth that marriage is a 50/50 proposition, if you give 50%, then I’ll give 50%, and then we’ll always be happy. Well, what happens if one partner or another cannot, for whatever reason, give 50%? What happens if your partner is TAKING 50%, leaving a deficit? That’s when you have to decide whether or not you are willing to give 150% to keep your marriage at 100%."

"So I remembered my wedding day, like my sister had asked me to…I think that’s one of the biggest things that got me through this… I was reminded that when I got married, I made a promise to my husband, but also to God. When it got so difficult to keep the promise of my marriage because I was only getting pain in return, I decided to keep the promise to God. I remember going to God, with bitter tears, telling him that I promised to give all that I had to my marriage and that my husband did not love me anymore. I told God that I would keep trying, because I promised that I would. I told Him that even if my promise did not mean anything to Marq at this time, that I knew that it meant something to Him."
* * *
Another (much shorter) helpful view of marriage and the commitment it takes is this

Covenant Marriage

Just one part:

Another bride sighed blissfully on her wedding day, “Mom, I’m at the end of all my troubles!” “Yes,” replied her mother, “but at which end?” When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent.
Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth … because he … careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd, … and I lay down my life for the sheep.” Many people today marry as hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee. This idea is wrong. It curses the earth, turning parents’ hearts away from their children and from each other.

1 comment:

swedemom said...

I read the first piece by Melody Ross and was a bit confused. All her lovely pictures aside, she never really clarified if her husband had recovered and if he was able to feel love for her. I suppose I missed the point of the story, but it didn't seem to resolve, other than her deciding to love even without the promise of his returning that love to her.


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