Hands full and loving it (mostly)

Less than two weeks to go (Wordless Wednesday)

2012-02-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

The first partThe rest of it

Two weeks and five days

2012-01-26T09:01:00.008-07:00

until my induction on February 14th, Valentines Day. But who's counting besides me? If it weren't for my cough, which is getting worse (I tried to have a talk with my immune system the other day, but all it would say is, "Excuse me, but your body is completely occupied right now growing an amazing little girl -- don't worry, I'll start working again once she arrives"), and my inability to sleep, I think I wouldn't be quite so anxious. Baby has dropped, but still my ribs are cutting into the top of my uterus on the right side, so I end up walking around with my hand pushing down on my stomach a lot.

I've been neglecting this blog of late. For one thing, I feel as though if I don't have something amazingly profound to say, then it's not worth writing. For another, I often DO have something I consider profound to say, but then I feel like I don't have the time or energy needed to give it the full effort it needs. And finally, while my husband hooked me up with his old laptop, I still have to get Lightroom and Photoshop installed and I don't have easy access to my photos that are still on my currently-defunct desktop. I hate to post without pictures. I could also think of a dozen other excuses -- too tired, too busy, or whatever, but they are just excuses.

Today, though, I think I'll just post a jumble of disconnected thoughts and ideas.

* I'm enjoying having a laptop. It's nice to be sitting in my living room writing this while the three little girls run around in super-hero capes. I can fulfill my momly duty of saying "Hurray!" and "Go get the bad guys!" and still formulate some thoughts.

* Along those lines, I've been surprised over the years by how much of mothering is in the simple things. The noticing and praising of the small efforts my children make to be kind to one another, for example. Or cheering as they zoom down our sloping driveway on their wiggle racers. It doesn't take a lot of time, and often it is easy to be doing the many other things that go into making a home, whether it be pulling weeds outside or mopping the floors inside. Something about having mom's presence nearby, available to fix any hurts, notice how well you are putting together a puzzle, or remind you to say thank you to your sister, is reassuring and comforting to a young child.

I had a conversation with a group of wonderful moms recently about the concept of "playing" with your children. Most of us don't do a lot of it, though we are all engaged in giving our children time and attention. I loved this comment, "One need only look to the child whose mother DOES play with him/her constantly to see what a bad idea that is. Part of my parenting philosophy is that the kids learn that they are not the center of the universe. (Can you think of anything more tedious than being married to someone whose mom played with him ALL THE TIME?)" Another mom said that when she tries to enter her child's world, the child gets bossy and it doesn't go well, but when she invites the child into HER world, by reading to her or having her help with the cooking, the bonding happens.

My comment was this: "It's easy in our helicopter-parenting world to feel like we're not measuring up to the 'standard' -- whether that be constantly playing with a child or dragging them from one character-building activity to the next. I always like to think of the historical perspective -- I figure my ancestors were probably busy darning socks, churning butter, tending the fire and the garden and the other work of life. I believe that children do best when they are given a balance between the attention/parental time and the time to explore and play and entertain themselves. I'm the 5th of 6 and while I remember my mom reading to me and providing a clean home and meals every day, I don't think she ever 'played' with me. Do I feel in any way deprived? Nope! I also tell my four and five year olds, 'No, I don't play Candyland. That's why I gave you siblings.'"

On the other hand, I should point out that while I'm not constantly playing with my kids, I do give them time and attention. We read together and I like to be nearby and engaged in my children's play -- I help them navigate the inevitable battles ("Harmony, Katie just wants to play with that pony. Can you find another one to trade her?") or notice what they're doing ("Oh, are you all pretending to be doggies? Are you nice dogs or mean dogs?") or involve myself ("Can you serve me some pancakes at your restaurant?"). I will play Memory game or do puzzles with my kids and I like to take them on outings (at least I do when I'm not 9 months pregnant).

* After hearing from at least a half dozen sources that Downton Abbey was just an amazing show, I watched a couple of episodes yesterday. It was indeed engaging and interesting, but it also had some scenes that were absolutely NOT G-rated. I should have given up after the first episode, but it had come so highly recommended, I hoped the first offensive scene was just a fluke. I found out it wasn't. Maybe I'm just extra-sensitive because we've gone so many years without channel television, but is this what passes for entertainment these days? Or did I just watch the worst episodes and the rest of the series is just fine? I imagine, since the show is on PBS, that it's tame compared to prime time shows, and that just makes me feel sad and discouraged. In any case, I felt like I needed a good washing after watching and I don't plan on investing more time in the show, even though I really liked the parts that weren't scummy.

* I hate the school science fair and I hate that two of the three kids who had to participate in it this year need a lot of help to get their projects done. In fact, I'm down on most homework that seems intended more to torture parents than to teach kids. Darling, amazing, wonderful Lillian was good enough to agree to help the boys with their projects. She showed much more patience with one son's "I can't," and "I don't know how" excuses than I would have, and there is no doubt she EARNED all four work hours we gave her and that Snickers bar. She's going to go to Memphis with my husband in a few months and has almost enough work hours to pay for the trip.

* I loved listening to this Question & Answer session about mothering with Julie B. Beck a few days ago. Three-quarters of the way through, though, I had to laugh at one of the questions. The lead-up was "What do you do when the mothering years are behind you?" so I was getting all sympathetic to this poor empty-nester mother. Then they quoted from her and I was suprised -- she said she'd been so depressed and lost ever since the youngest of her five kids went to first grade two years ago! I was astounded that anyone would think their job was mostly "done" at that point! I thought Sister Beck handled her concerns with grace and insight, telling her she had a lot more work to do and giving her ideas of where to put her efforts.

It did make me think, though, about how some mothers seem more inclined to certain ages and stages than others. I love MY babies, for instance, but I've NEVER in my life been baby-hungry and I don't like babies in general, while I know other women just long to hold babies and really relish that stage and mourn when it's gone.

I love my adorable toddlers, but I wouldn't say I love that stage either. I do, however, LOVE my elementary school kids. They're fun, lively, able to contribute, eager to learn, and most of them still think I'm the greatest.

It will be interesting to see what the teenage years hold -- Lillian will turn 13 come April.

* I'm trying to re-read the entire Lord of the Rings series before Camilla Eowyn is born. I take naming my children very seriously and I want to be sure that Eowyn is a fitting name for this particular child. I have felt that she will be a strong warrior, but I want to make sure she won't ever be upset by the character she's named after. I'm on the Two Towers now, and can I admit something I've probably never said about books and movies before? The movies are WAY better than the books in this case. I'm sure it's sacrilege to real LOTR fans to say it, but I find the language too verbose and often stilted (probably because they were written in the 50s), and the descriptions just don't do the story justice -- the Riders are absolutely terrifying in the movies, but the way they are written in the book, they might as well just be some bad guys riding horses.

* I made six loaves of zucchini bread Tuesday, full of chocolate chips, walnuts, and yummy goodness. We gave one loaf to a neighbor and the kids devoured the rest. I woke up yesterday morning to find all that was left was half of a loaf.

* My friend is throwing me a baby shower with a twist on Saturday -- a cooperative freezer meal shower, where everyone brings some ingredients to make freezer meals for me. Doesn't that sound wonderful? I don't need any clothes or gear (this IS the sixth baby girl in a row, after all), but won't it be nice to have some meals in my freezer? I've been working to clear some space in my freezer before Saturday (one reason for the zucchini bread was to use up some of the frozen zucchini).

To the Mother With Only One Child (Friday Favorites)

2012-01-20T11:55:00.004-07:00

This one's making the rounds, but is SO good I wish I'd written it -- it's by a mother expecting her ninth child (wait a second, maybe I DID write it):

To the Mother With Only One Child

It begins:

Dear Mother of Only One Child,

Don’t say it. Before the words can even pass your lips, let me beg you: don’t say, “Wow, you have nine kids? I thought it was hard with just my one!”

My dear, it is hard. You’re not being a wuss or a whiner when you feel like your life is hard. I know, because I remember having “only one child.” You may not even believe how many times I stop and reflect on how much easier my life is, now that I have nine children.

and continues later on:

So now? Yes, the practical parts are a thousand times easier: I’m a virtuoso. I worry, but then I move along. Nobody pushes me around, and I have helpers galore. Someone fetches clean diapers and gets rid of the dirty ones. When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night for the ten thousandth time, I sigh and roll my eyes, maybe even cry a little bit for sheer tiredness—but I know it will pass, it will pass.

It’s becoming easier, and it will be easier still. They are passing me by.

I’m broken in. There’s no collision of worlds. We’re so darn busy that it’s a sheer delight to take some time to wash some small child’s small limbs in a quiet bath, or to read The Story of Ferdinand one more time. Taking care of them is easy. It’s tiring, it’s frustrating, but when I stop and take a breath, I see that it’s almost like a charade of work. All these things, the dishes, the diapers, the spills—they must be taken care of, but they don’t matter. They aren’t who I am.

A Different Kind of Hard

2012-01-17T10:27:00.007-07:00

Last summer, when I pushed myself to my limit and kept on training for a marathon despite dealing with exhaustion and morning sickness, I often told myself, "If I can run a marathon while pregnant with my ninth child, I can do anything." I felt myself stretching and growing from the experience of pushing against so much resistance. It was hard, but it was a thrilling hard, as I explored what I was capable of and found my body and spirit strengthened in the process.

But I've changed my mind about the "if I can do this, I can do anything" issue. Because I'm having a hard time with this pregnancy.

I really hoped and believed that pregnancy would be easier on me this time -- with the greater fitness, surely the last months would not be so torturous! And in some ways, it has been. My morning sickness, though awful, brought me low only in the afternoons and evenings instead of all day. And I'm sure the weight loss has helped in ways I don't appreciate (after all, I weigh less now, with four weeks left, than I did a year ago!).

But as my belly has grown larger, my energy and patience have grown smaller. I've had a cough for over a month and between that and the regular sleep problems I experience with pregnancy, I have not slept well in ages. I wake up in the morning more tired than when I went to sleep the night before. With the lack of sleep and the requirements of growing this baby, I think my body has decided to forget about working its immune system for now. Two weeks ago, six weeks felt so near -- surely I can handle just six weeks! But this last week, with my health feeling so precarious, I've reached the point several times where I say to myself, "I have nothing left." In those moments, four weeks feels like four years!

And I find myself questioning why I'm such a wimp -- I can run a marathon but I can't handle the last month of pregnancy? But as I've thought and prayed about it, I've realized that challenges come in many different forms and seasons of our lives require different strengths. The work of last summer required determination, strength, effort, and faith. The work I'm facing now, with four weeks left of pregnancy, requires a different set of attributes: patience, endurance, and a different kind of strength.

This is a season of rest and of conserving what energy I have. It would not be wise to push myself physically right now, and so I wait, allowing many of my talents to lie dormant. In many ways, it was easier to run the marathon. I knew what I was going for. I had the milestones and training goals along the way to cross off the list. I had the satisfaction of achieving. There was so much to celebrate.

But now, there is very little to show for my efforts. I keep my home clean, my household running fairly smoothly. I give my kids love and attention and try not to lose my patience with them despite my exhaustion. But I'm too tired to do any more than that. And that's a different kind of hard. I'm hibernating, trying to conserve the little strength I have to give to the basics and reminding myself that spring will come. This baby will arrive and the sacrifice of pregnancy will be largely forgotten in the joy of those moments. My body will heal and renew itself and I'll get to move into a season of celebrations rather than a season of waiting.

My season of winter, of dormancy and limitation, is actually fairly short. There are many who endure years and years of this kind of challenge, whether because of age or health problems. I visit teach a woman who has endured much in her life. She's had two lung transplants. The medication she takes daily keeps her body from rejecting the foreign lungs but also leaves her immune system compromised. She has to be careful whenever she is in public places so as not to catch the slightest illness. She is limited in strength and energy and deals with diminished capacity on a daily basis. Training for a marathon will never be in her future. But she's making the best of her life, raising and loving her children and adjusting her life accordingly.

I wonder sometimes if the tough, tough days at the end of pregnancy don't give us sympathy and understanding for those whose stage in life is otherwise so utterly foreign to us. Five years ago, when health and age made a move to an assisted living facility necessary for my husband's nearly-ninety-year-old grandmother, I took over a large share of her care and visited her every day. The disruption in her life was extremely difficult for her to adjust to and she often expressed her frustration -- hadn't she lived long enough? Couldn't she just go home to her Heavenly Father? What more did she have to endure? I could understand her feelings in large part because of how I feel at the end of a pregnancy -- Won't this baby ever come? How many more days of fatigue and exhaustion can I endure? Will this really end?

So while I'm eyeing the calendar and counting down (4 weeks is 28 days -- surely I can hang on that long?), I'm also grateful for the lessons I can learn from this challenge, even if it is a different kind of hard.

What are some hard things you've experienced in your life? What have you learned from them?

Don't Carpe Diem (Friday Favorites)

2012-01-06T08:25:00.001-07:00

Thanks to my sister-in-law for sharing this -- so much wisdom:

Don't Carpe Diem

Some of my favorite parts:

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!” - those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

&

Craig is a software salesman. It’s a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don’t ever feel the need to suggest that he’s not doing it right, or that he’s negative for noticing that it’s hard, or that maybe he shouldn’t even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he’s ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: “This career stuff…it goes by so fast…ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!”

The Obligatory Christmas Post

2011-12-29T07:09:00.006-07:00

(My computer died last week. So there are no pictures for this post and I'll probably be MIA for a while as I figure out whether to focus on getting my computer running again or on begging DH for a new computer and then getting THAT one going. Luckily, I didn't lose any data.)

I love Christmas. Every year on Christmas I find myself feeling sorry for families and couples who don't have young children around to enjoy it with. The magic, wonder and excitement of watching it through young eyes makes all the hard parts of having a large family worth it.

A few memorable moments:
* We had a full week off of school before Christmas and while it was great to have everyone home, it's always easier to entertain eight kids after Christmas, when they have their new toys and games to occupy them. We set a "no media" rule except for two hours of quiet time in the afternoons and then after dinner in the evenings and while a couple of my kids claimed boredom, most found plenty to do.

* I found a nearby gym with open-play hours and we had a blast one morning, jumping on trampolines, doing their climbing wall and swinging from their trapeze (though when I say "we" I mean "they," of course. I watched). A liberal amount of foam cubes in various pits contributed to the safety of the event and though it was somewhat crowded, we still had a great time.

* The week leading up to Christmas was a hard one with Harmony. Perhaps staying up later every night contributed to the problems, but my 3.5-year-old who was easily potty-trained this summer and has almost never had an accident since, suddenly was having accidents all the time, of both varieties. She pooped on the floor in various corners of the house four days in a row, including Christmas Eve! There's a reason we don't have a dog, but at least with a dog, you know to expect this kind of thing. Angelic 3.5-year-olds should know better, right? I'm hoping getting back to a routine (and more regular sleep) will help.

* My husband and I went to the play A Christmas Carol at a theater here with some friends. There's something about that Charles Dickens masterpiece that really brings home the message of the season.

* We enjoyed our 25 Days of Christmas Stories tradition, gathering each night to read another true Christmas story and gorging ourselves on the goodies our neighbors brought. With ten of us, though, it was mind-boggling how fast those treats disappeared, though. We'd get out a box of chocolates, give everyone two or three and find the box empty. Next year, we'll have our first teenager in the house, and with the five oldest being born in five years, soon there will be a whole horde of them -- think we can keep up in the food department?

* At the dentist office a few weeks ago, I used my Blackberry to entertain Katie, finding Muppet videos on Youtube for her. Her favorite is one with Beaker singing Ode to Joy. She comes running to me all the time asking for the "mi mi mi" song. She's dragged Joey over to the computer a dozen times and had him play the video for her and every time she sees my phone, she tries to grab it and watch her favorite "mi mi mi." At least she's charming about it!

* Christmas Eve always starts for us with a trip to our favorite Chinese restaurant. They've learned to expect us and we go early enough in the evening to have the place nearly to ourselves. The food was fantastic.

* We had the best Christmas Eve program yet. Just our family. We read the Christmas story from the Bible while the children acted it out. Mary (played by Allison) was particularly reverent, though baby Jesus was a doll this year -- Katie can't sit still for more than two seconds. Without being asked, Lillian had taken the initiative earlier that day to assign parts, gather costumes, and run through a dress rehearsal with the kids.

* One of the best parts of having older kids as well as younger ones is that the older ones enthusiastically embrace the traditions (and the associated work involved) that a tired, pregnant mom is tempted to skip. My kids did almost all of the decorating, Lillian loves wrapping so she did all that, and I didn't have to do anything at all to prepare for the Christmas program.

* After our Christmas pageant, we put Katie to bed and watched "Joy to the World," a video about the Savior's birth and life produced by my Church and so touching. I had actually thought I was putting on the shorter, 5 minute video that tells just the story of the nativity (paired with an Amy Grant song on Youtube here), but what we watched was much more involved and much sweeter, as it included both the nativity as well as vignettes of Christ's life, work, mission, and death. Some of us were teary-eyed by the end, as we contemplated the real reason we celebrate Christmas and the gift of Jesus Christ and His Atonement.

* We ended the evening by opening one present each. I love how grateful my children are.

* Every year we try to keep Christmas to two main presents, one from us and one from Santa, with some little things as well. And every year, I'm amazed at how many "little things" get added -- nothing expensive, but books, clothes, stickers, little toys, etc. make everyone's Christmas haul seem enormous. We had plenty to enjoy this Christmas.

* We had Santa deliver presents to our larger great room rather than our front room this year. We've outgrown that space!

* We start with stocking and Santa gifts (those aren't wrapped). Santa brought Lillian a laminating machine and some books, Joey a large toolbox, Micheal a couple of Lego sets, Allison and Sarah remote control cars, dresses, and tiny American Girl dolls. Eliza, Harmony and Katie also got tiny American Girl dolls along with one or two other things.

* We had a lovely breakfast of butterscotch rolls, then headed to Church for a lovely musical sacrament meeting. I really enjoyed having Christmas on a Sunday.

* After Church, we headed home, changed (most of us back into pajamas) and opened the rest of the presents.

* This is not really a Christmas memory, but I'm excited to report that I now have less than 6 weeks to go before this baby arrives! I spent a good part of November and the first half of December trying not to feel resentment at how awkward and exhausting this pregnancy has become. Hardest for me is that I'm sleeping so poorly at night, waking up multiple times and having trouble falling back asleep. It makes the days tougher. But I'm happy that halfway through December, I had some experiences that gave me a change of heart and I've been enjoying the privilege of pregnancy once again. This little one is probably not our last baby, but it is likely she is our last little girl, and I want to savor the last few weeks of having her kick and move around inside me.

Cry . . . and then Laugh (Friday Favorites)

2011-12-16T13:56:00.001-07:00

My Favorite Five-Year-Old (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-12-14T14:49:00.002-07:00

Effective Discipline Principles and Practices, Part One

2011-12-09T13:09:00.006-07:00

This morning, our mother's group had a discussion on "Creative Discipline: Getting Kids to Mind without Losing Your Mind." I loved discussing this topic with other bright, creative, and loving moms and I realized as I did so that I have learned a lot more about this subject over the years than I'd realized.

Since I have a tendency to try to bite off more than I can chew, I thought I'd share what I've learned in small pieces and focus on just one or two parenting principles at a time, starting with this one:

Parenting Principle #1: There's a difference between principles and practices (and why you shouldn't be a technique snob).

In disciplining, I think it's important to distinguish between discipline principles and discipline practices. A principle is a truth or a standard (children need to understand that their choices have consequences), while a practice is a way of applying the principle (time-outs, logical consequences, etc.). Too many parenting books, in my opinion, focus too much on practices and not enough on principles. If you only learn "THE WAY" they are promoting in their book, then everything will go perfectly. Without their tried-and-true amazing technique, you're lost! While certainly some practices or techniques work better than others and we can all stand to improve in our methods, I think focusing on following to the letter some so-called expert's advice can distract us from the overall picture and goal of discipline.

For example, many books are hyper-critical of the exact words parents use in their teaching of their children. It's important to use "I" statements and communicate more clearly, they say. Change your wording and your child's behavior will magically improve! But too often lost in the whiz-bang presentation of their ideas are the more important principles that should underlie all your communication. For example, one of the first parenting principles I will discuss is "Discipline should be built on the foundation of a loving relationship." Without love and trust between a parent and child, no "I" statements in the world can improve behavior long-term.

Getting hung up on a certain practice of parenting can limit the long-term growth of your family. It's like the difference between understanding the principles of nutrition and using them to plan your menus versus simply copying a recipe. Good cooks know many recipes and are willing to try new ones, all with the overall goal of creating a healthy family. In contrast, someone with little understanding of nutrition or cooking might still be able to follow a recipe and turn out a passable dish, but there could be problems along the way. Your double-fudge brownies might turn out to taste amazing, for example, but if you start making them every day, it's going to be a disaster for your family's long-term health. Even if you discover a more healthy basic recipe -- say, a great casserole -- your family is still going to hate having it served at every meal.

In the same way, the techniques you use to discipline your children should vary. Go ahead and read the parenting books and try the techniques. Share those "recipes" with others. But don't get so hung up on method that you become a snob about it. Sometimes, I see pointless and mean-spirited conversations on the internet about why this method or that one is THE BEST and why everyone who doesn't use it is just evil or clueless or a child abuser or whatever (never let your kid cry it out vs. teaching a child to sleep independently, pacifier vs. thumbsucking, baby-wearing vs. putting a baby down, etc.). I cringe when I read these conversations because sometimes it's like debating whether you should serve meatloaf and potatoes for dinner or a chicken and broccoli casserole. Neither are bad or wrong, they're just different ways of applying the overall principles of nutrition. Your family may happen to love broccoli. It may be your favorite dish and you may grow it organically in your back garden and eat it three times a month and assume that if everyone were just as smart as you, they'd do the same. But all your arguments in the world for why your recipe is best might just not be convincing to a family who doesn't like the taste of broccoli. That's why they've chosen different meals for their table. (And yes, I know the analogy here breaks down for those who eschew meat at their table -- but that's another debate I refuse to engage in here).

Except in extreme cases, I like to assume that parents are doing their very best to teach and rear their children and if they choose a different method for doing so, then I try to assume they are doing it because they feel it's best for them. While I might pass along my favorite recipes and share my reasons for using and liking them, I'm not offended if people don't choose to use them.

So while parenting principles are always true, their application, or the practices we use to implement them, will change based on a parent or child's temperament, maturity, the situation, family dynamics and culture. So while I will discuss both principles and practices in this series, please understand that when I give examples of ways the principles could be enacted, these are simply suggestions and ideas. Your family may decide to use other methods and they might work better for you. And hey, if they do, please, share the recipe!

Christmas Gifts (Friday Favorites)

2011-12-09T09:05:00.002-07:00

I love how generous people are with their time and talents this season. Here are a few of the gifts I've found:

Shawna Edwards wrote this beautiful song for the season:
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And My Church has created beautiful Bible stories free for your use. See all of them here (and more to come).

This one would be wonderful to share with your family this Christmas:

Five Years Ago (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-12-07T07:44:00.002-07:00

This is what our cute family looked like. We'd survived selling a house, building one, living in a hotel for six weeks, bringing a newborn "home" to that hotel, moving into a new home, and half a year with two-year-old twins. Lillian was 7, Joey was 6, Michael was 4, Allison and Sarah were 2, and Eliza was six weeks old.

See? Our family's always been crazy!

Thanksgiving Memories (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-11-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

We spent the weekend before Thanksgiving in Park City. We enjoyed lots of art projects . . .

Swimming . . .

sledding . . .

And having a great time.

Thanksgiving was spent at our house with our family and the addition of my in-laws. DH cooked a seriously delicious deep-fried turkey plus a few other things, I added some amazing rolls and brownies, and the food was wonderful.

l

After eating, Lillian pulled out her gratitude jar, a tradition she started last year. She'd asked us all to name things we were grateful for. As she read off each item, we were supposed to guess who had said it. Some of them were very funny.

It was a lovely day. Our house felt full to overflowing even with "just" our family and the grandparents, and I couldn't help imagining the gatherings we might have in the future, with dozens of grandkids and our grown-up kids joining us for fun and celebration. What a blessing it is to belong to a family.

Why am I doing this again? (Friday Favorites)

2011-11-18T12:49:00.005-07:00

I loved what Janene Baadsgaard, a mother of ten, has to say in this experience she had while expecting yet another child:

One day I was waiting in line for my child’s evaluation with his new kindergarten teacher. A stylish young mother and her son sat in the chairs next to us because the teacher was running behind. I was obviously eight months pregnant and hovering on the huge side of big.

This young mother stared at my belly and asked, “Why do you want to do that again?” Her question caught me off guard. I blushed. “This is it for me,” she added. “Boy am I ever ready to get this last one in school. Now it’s my turn for me.” She was wearing beautifully tailored clothes, her hair was elegantly styled and her long fake fingernails were polished pink with jeweled flowers on the tips. “Just bought that,” she finished pointing to a shiny red sports car in the parking lot. “Nice huh.”

I looked down at my protruding mid-section and asked myself . . . Why am I doing this again? My worn maternity clothes were stained orange across the belly with my preschooler’s spaghetti from lunch. I still had dirt under my fingernails from playing in the sandbox. My wind-blown hair was stuck to several sticky kisses on my cheeks. The old van I drove was covered with mud and still smelled like hot dog and marshmallow smoke from our last family camp out. Yet, I knew exactly why I was doing this again.

I cleared my throat several times, turned to this woman and asked, “What if a highly important person brought you to the opening of a diamond mine and said you could go inside and gather as many diamonds as you wanted? But, there was one condition. You only had a certain amount of time before your opportunity was over and then you couldn’t gather any more diamonds. Would you do it?”

“Sure, who wouldn’t,” the stylish young mother answered.

“What if some of the diamonds were hidden in the rocks and you had to work really hard to find them and keep them?”

“I’d be willing to do whatever it took to get those diamonds because then I’d be rich,” the young mother answered. “Even one diamond is worth a fortune.”

“That’s why I’m doing this again,” I answered patting my abdomen.

I’m not sure that woman understood what I was trying to say. But I noticed that my little boy, who was seated next to me, took my hand and quite literally beamed.

Children always know when they’re somebody’s treasure.

Wiping runny noses, changing messy diapers, fixing endless meals, sorting dirty laundry, soothing crying infants, waiting up for teenagers, supervising homework, cleaning up after the stomach flu, washing dishes, bringing in a paycheck and picking up after another toddler tornado doesn’t seem like important work. It is. Loving and serving children of all ages is the only work that really matters. The value of each person’s soul is priceless.

So, the next time you’re in the middle of cleaning up yet another mess, repeat these words . . . Children are my diamonds. I’ll do whatever it takes to nurture their souls because then I’ll be rich with love forever.

Many people ask me if I'm planning on more kids. Up until a few weeks ago, my answer has been, "Sure, I'm only 33; I've got time." But being confronted with the number 34, which seems not so far from 35 and so on, I decided to see how much time I really do have.

This site points out:

Declining fertility is more of an issue for women than for men. Assuming that [husband and wife are actively trying to conceive] and that there are no medical or health problems, statistics show that:
At the age of 25, a woman has a 30% –35% chance of conceiving per cycle.
At the age of 35, a woman has a 15% –20% chance of conceiving per cycle.
At the age of 45, a woman has a 3% –5% chance of conceiving per cycle.

And I also found this chart interesting, showing the likelihood of a woman getting pregnant over the course of a year:
Assuming those averages prove true in my case, it shows me that I really don't have that much time. The years to be gathering our treasures are surprisingly short.

Fall Trip to Cedar Breaks & Bryce Canyon (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-11-16T08:40:00.001-07:00

We had a fabulous time staying a week in Brian Head in mid October. We went hiking every day, swimming nearly every day (an indoor pool made that nice), and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. Many of our hikes were at high elevation -- as much as 11,000 feet -- and with Katie going through a "mommy-only" phase, I carried her on a lot of them. It made me very grateful for the fitness I've worked so hard for this year.

I went up a day early with the seven youngest kids. DH, who had some work things to finish up and Lillian, who had a school project to finish, came up later. Our first hike was to an amazing waterfall.

Cedar Breaks:

My five little girls in a row. I'm so excited they'll get another sister in February:

Bryce Canyon:

Notice the chipmunk posing perfectly for this one?

On the Twisted Forest Trail, among the Ancient Bristlecone Pines, some of the oldest trees in the world:

And we saw lots of these:

Numbers

2011-11-09T21:44:00.001-07:00

2nd trimester . . . that's what I'm wishing I'd enjoyed a little more. Now that I have just three months to go, I'm feeling the exhaustion of pregnancy keenly. I'm trying to be upbeat and positive and remind myself what a blessing this little girl is, but frankly, I'm tired of being pregnant. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of needing naps in the afternoon because I can't sleep soundly at night. I long for days when I have abundant energy and I don't have to carefully choose my activities so I don't exhaust myself too soon. I'm tired of putting off projects for that elusive "someday" when I somehow find more energy. I'm tired of feeling awkward and knowing it's only going to get worse. I'm tired of feeling like a wimp because all I do for exercise now is walk on the treadmill.

But at the same time, I am thankful that this is what I've chosen. I've freely chosen to make sacrifices in other areas of my life so I can bear and nurture my children. I've chosen to allow this child to enter our lives, knowing (probably better than most women!) just how uncomfortable, exhausting and inconvenient it would be. I've done so with faith that the blessings of a happy family and a posterity who love each other and try to do good in the world will be worth all I can give it.

A family is a long-term investment. It takes patience and faith to daily fill its needs, with hope that the future will be rich. It's like regularly placing money into a savings account. It takes discipline to give up the things you want and desire now in order to put that money aside and especially in the early years, that account seems to grow agonizingly slow. But because of compounding interest, over time, it will grow into something amazingly abundant.

We knew a man once who took pride in his "continuing education" which consisted mostly of attending one "get-rich-quick" presentation after another. He didn't have the patience for the self-restraint and the regular deposits that would have made him wealthy over a long period of time. He wanted his results fast and there were plenty of people willing to teach him how to do it. As a result, though he was well along in life, he was no closer to being wealthy than he had been when he was young. If he'd spent the years he'd wasted looking for shortcuts simply putting aside a little bit here and there, he'd have had his wealth and the lessons learned from a life of patience.

Similarly, there are so many voices in the world that will tell women about the quick way to happiness and fulfillment. Most of them involve self-absorption, fulfillment, and following dreams. A career, recognition from peers, a lot of money, prestige, plenty of leisure time to vacation, hobbies -- those are the means to a happy life. Sacrificing yourself to build a family? Using your body to create life? Not very important. A young woman is allowed to want to be a teacher, a doctor, an astronaut, but have her tell her class that someday, she wants to be a mother, and you'll find a stunned silence.

10.5 weeks . . . that's how long it's been since my marathon. It feels like years. I feel a bit let down that I haven't been able to continue the full-out physical effort it took to get to that point in my life, first because I had to let my knee heal and then because life and pregnancy have interfered with my lofty intentions. It's been interesting that after reaching that huge milestone, I have had a hard time reminding myself that walking regularly is still a good form of exercise! Sure, it's not what I was doing in the summer, but it's enough for this season of my life.

5 years . . . that's how long we've lived here, in the "dream house" I designed myself and we built, mostly on faith. I love this message about the different ways revelation comes into our lives. Some experiences with revelation, says Elder Bednar, are like a light turning on in a dark room. We are immediately illuminated and we know what we are to do. Other experiences, and more commonly, are like the sun rising slowly, gradually filling our world with light and understanding. Most of my experiences have been the second, but I have had moments of the absolute knowledge that comes with the first kind of revelation. One such moment for me, was the day six years ago when I had an overwhelming impression that we needed to buy the lot that our current home is built on. It was a miracle we even got the lot, since it wasn't even for sale the day I felt we should buy it. It appeared on the MLS three days later and within a week, we'd had our offer accepted. Within two weeks, there two back-up offers.

It really made no sense to build our final dream home at that period in our lives. My husband had only just started his career, and the money he made fluctuated greatly from month to month. He was very busy with his career and we had five small children to care for. But we prayed often and plunged into the exciting and overwhelming world of building. Interestingly enough, we've been amazed at the timing of it all. Not only did we build just at the right time to secure our lot, we also bought the lot $100,000 cheaper than similar lots went for at the height of the housing bubble just a year later. Because we started building before the bubble burst, we were able to secure advantageous financing on generous terms.

I designed our house with a large family in mind, wanting to balance the needs of the future with the practicalities of today. We cut frills where-ever we could, both in the design of the home and in it's finishing. We wanted a nice, easy-to-maintain home with just the basics. But we also wanted it big enough for the size our family would grow to and have enough space for large family gatherings. We've felt blessed to have the space for our family and have tried to be generous in opening our home to others. I know that most large families make do with much smaller spaces, and while I try never to think that we need this much space, it sure is nice to have.

We've been blessed with good neighbors. We've been blessed that our kids are able to walk to a quality school nearby. We've been blessed to have a large backyard for the kids to romp and play in.

I mean really, with this in the backyard, is it any wonder that I love living here?

34 . . . that's how old I'll be this week on my birthday. A few weeks ago, I felt young. Now, with the exhaustion of the pregnancy and the date of the birthday approaching, I'm feeling older. As a gift to myself, I set a goal to get on the treadmill for at least twenty minutes every day this week. Yesterday, I ran intervals, but it was quite uncomfortable and I ended with my back aching for the rest of the day (Did I mention I'm tired of being pregnant?). I think I'll stick to walking from here on out and forget feeling guilty about it.

I don't feel any regrets about getting older. I'm amazed when I consider all that I've been able to fit into those 34 years. I'm happy with the way I've used my time and energy and that some of the toughest years of parenting are behind me.

Despite the irritations of pregnancy, I'm in the best shape I've been in my adult life. I lost 35 lbs this year and ran a marathon. Those are pretty awesome accomplishments and I'm grateful for the difference that has made in my ability to keep up with the myriad demands on my life.

I've grown a lot in my 34 years. I'm less judgmental and more charitable than I've been in the past. I'm more forgiving of myself. I'm better at discerning where to put my efforts on a daily basis. I'm more confident in my choices and less worried about what others think.

I'm grateful for my husband and that our marriage has been strong enough to withstand all the stress we put on it. I'm thankful he is willing to work hard to support us and that he adores his family.

I'm thankful for two crazy boys. So close in age and yet so amazingly different in looks and personality!

I'm thankful to have so many girls in my life. I hope I can be the kind of example they need.

I'm incredibly blessed to see my older children turning into responsible, thoughtful, enjoyable people that I love spending time with. I love having little ones who adore me and tell me I'm the best mom in the whole world. I love having my life filled with amazing little people and I'm grateful for the prospect of meeting and welcoming another one.

Happy Birthday to me!

Birthdays (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-11-09T09:19:00.003-07:00

In the past few weeks, we've had two birthdays. Eliza is now five. Her birthday has given me a lot to reflect on. The past five years have been so full and brought so many blessings. When Eliza was born, the sixth in seven years, we were homeless. We'd sold one house and were in the process of trying to finish another. We brought her "home" to a hotel room. When she was eight days old, we packed up and moved into our still-unfinished home.

Moving, unpacking, finishing the house, caring for so many little ones (including two-year-old twinadoes) made for an exhausting and challenging time. But it also an exciting one, as the progress we made, little by little, began to pay off.

Five years later, here she is, our sweet, fun, pleasant Eliza, now five:

Lillian made her cake in the flavors and colors she specified:

Lillian also made and decorated a cake for Joey, who turned 11 just a few days before Eliza:

And what birthday would be complete without a few birthday hugs?

Q&A: Individual time with kids?

2011-11-03T07:11:00.003-06:00

How do you work out individual time for each kid? I only have three kids and stress a lot about giving each one their special time. What do you think about one-on-one time with kids?

Good question, Megan, and one I'm sure many parents struggle with, no matter the size of the family. How do you make sure that each child gets the individual attention they need?

I think the first thing that is important to remember is that modern parenting has expectations that would seem bizarre to many of our ancestors, such as enshrining the idea of one-on-one time with each child individually, doing things like going bowling, out to eat or to some recreational event. While these things are good and relationship-building, I like to think about parenting through its history -- how did our overworked ancestors spend time with their kids? How did they develop relationships with them without the modern trappings and recreational events we have today? A somewhat related question is how in the world did their children ever survive without organized sports and the myriad of activities for kids that we think are so important now?

I think as life has gotten busier and we are increasingly filling our kid's time with scheduled activities -- soccer, dance, theater, karate, lessons, tutoring, Scouts, etc. -- we get into the mindset that in order to be a good parent, we have to "schedule" the important things. So we ferry our kids from one character-building activity to the next and then think, "Oh, yeah, I better schedule in that one-one-one bonding time too!"

I personally think that we need to shift our focus as parents. We need to schedule less things in our day and make more time for family togetherness. One-on-one time is good and important, but I think rather than focusing on whether a child has a certain amount of time scheduled with you, it is better to focus on what should be the main purpose of that one-on-one interaction: Does that child know that she is important to you individually?

As I've thought about this issue and how to make sure my children get the individual attention they need, I've realized that most of the important ways my children feel individually loved have nothing to do with whether there are other siblings in the room or not. Noticing the good things my children do and praising their behavior, for example, works even better when they know other people are hearing them praised!

Other times of fostering my relationship with each child are often just moments -- when Katie wakes up from a nap, for example, I always walk in with a huge smile on my face and say, "Yay, Katie's awake!" while she grins back at me. She knows she's important to me because when she walks into a room, I notice her right away. When she comes near me, I hold her and tickle her and sing her favorite songs. My sons know I love them when I ruffle their hair or put my arms around them when we read scriptures together. My oldest daughter knows I love her when I bring home the special ingredients she wants for whatever recipe she's trying next or when I type up the essay she wrote for class. Sarah knows I love her because I say, "Sarah, I like you!" or "Sarah, I'm so proud of how I can count on you to do your five minutes in the kitchen without being reminded." Eliza knows I love her because I take the time to find and bring home dog movies from the library for her to watch (she's obsessed with movies like "Snow Buddies" and "Lady and the Tramp"). Harmony knows I love her when I excitedly pull out her favorite skirt and tell her I washed it for her and she can wear it again. Michael knows I love him because I tease him about his "pirate crew" and read the elaborate stories he writes and illustrates.

My focus every day is on my kids and I think it's possible to feel individually loved even when surrounded by a crowd of people, especially when those people are brothers and sisters who also love you.

This is not to say I don't see value in one-on-one time. I think discipline and talking about negative behavior, for example, ought to be done mostly in private. And my husband and I like to take a child or two with us on some of our Saturday lunch dates. Both of us rarely run errands without one or two kids along for the adventure. Sarah felt so special a few weeks ago when she came along with me to drop off books at the library and I surprised her by taking her for ice cream afterwards. My husband has had great success taking our older kids with him on business trips (See how do you decide who goes on trips?). Lillian stays up later than the other kids and both my husband and I enjoy that extra time with just her. And while we don't do it often enough, one-on-one interviews with our kids can be very enlightening.

But I don't think bonding time needs to be one-on-one to be special. We like to kidnap our kids on their birthdays and take them out to lunch, for instance. I've never found the presence of their preschool siblings to diminish that experience in any way. We also have a "Subway Sandwich" tradition -- every time my kids have orthodontist appointments, we go out and get Subways afterwards. They love it, and it's a great family tradition.

Here are a few of the things I try to remember and do to make sure each of my child knows they are loved individually:

* Remember the value of sibling relationships. My kids are blessed to be loved by each other as well as mom and dad. Nothing makes me happier than to see my kids nurturing those relationships. I'm incredibly grateful for the things my kids do for each other that would be hard for me to do for them. Recently, I've seen my older kids helping each other with school projects, for example. Joey had to do a report on an explorer, complete with a poster, and without being asked, Lillian sat down at the computer and helped him find the photos and facts he needed and then organize it well on the poster board. A week later, when Michael was panicking about a book report he needed to do on a cereal box, it was Joey who helped him search the computer for the perfect "Flat Stanley" images.

One of the reasons we've chosen to do horseback riding as one of our family activities is that it's a great way for my kids to spend time with one another. We have two hours each week with four kids attending, two the first hour and two the second. Depending on who went the week before and what other things are going on that day, my kids get to take lessons with a different sibling all the time. Lillian might be with Eliza one week and Joey the next. Sarah will go with Allison or Michael. We had one time a few weeks ago when there was a conflict the last hour and it looked like Allison would get a turn all by herself with no siblings along. Instead of being excited, she protested that she needed someone to be with her! We worked it out so Sarah stayed another hour with her after spending the first hour with Eliza.

I don't think the value of a positive sibling relationship can be overstated. A parent's love is expected and taken for granted. A siblings' good will has to be earned and their good opinion can mean a lot more to a child. When I help a child with their dish night, they're grateful, but when a sibling does it, they are ecstatic, such as a few nights ago, when Sarah volunteered to help Joey and stayed up with him for an hour working. Both of them were beaming at the end.

Katie, as the youngest, has a huge cheering section for her every accomplishment. She thrives in the attention we all give her. Sometimes at scriptures, she insists on taking everyone's blanket for herself. We all laugh and encourage her as she tries to drag five or six blankets around the room. My husband likes to bring her out in the mornings and say, "Everyone say hi to Katie," and we all wave and say, "hi!" while she waves back with a huge grin on her face. There's nothing like being born into a large, loving family (As the 5th of 6 kids, I benefited from that older sibling love).

And while the younger ones get the attention and love from the older ones, it's also wonderful to see how the older ones thrive on the adoration and hero-worship of their younger siblings. I read a blog post once where the woman lamented that one of the casualties of smaller families these days is that teenagers rarely have toddler brothers and sisters. She said that one of the best remedies for the teenage "no one loves me" doldrums is having a little child around who worships you and loves you unconditionally.

Lillian often comes up with great motivators when she's put in charge, and lately, she's thrown parties for the younger girls in her room for those who do their work well during family work day. The work has gotten done better and faster and the parties Lillian's thrown have been special events.

It's been sweet to watch Katie cuddle up with Joey a few times while we're watching a movie together. He tickles her and she grins or grabs his face. When my husband and I were teaching Primary a few years ago, Lillian and Joey fought over who got to take care of Harmony and bring her with them to their classes. They were always so tender with her.

* Praise and notice children specifically and individually. I don't believe in handing out general praise like "You're so smart!" or "You're so wonderful!" or "You're amazing!" According to research, that kind of praise actually diminishes effort by making kids believe they are so great they shouldn't have to work for anything. (As a sidenote, I was at the library a few weeks ago and there's a face there made from heat-sensing material that kids can draw on. A two-year-old was scribbling on it while her mother clapped and said, "Wow! You are so amazing!" over and over again, when all the kid did was move her fingers around a bit!)

On the other hand, I see great value in specific, individual praise for the efforts children make. Kids want to know you notice them and appreciate the good things they do. I like to point out how happy Harmony is when Eliza shares with her and thank Eliza for doing so. On one of our hikes last week, Sarah fell in love with an enormous boulder she tried to carry down the mountain. After struggling with it for a bit, we put it in the backpack and Joey cheerfully shouldered that burden down the mountain. I praised him for being such a trooper and for doing something kind for his sister. I also made sure to mention it to his dad later that day and told Sarah how blessed she was to have a nice big brother to help out.

Specific praise, rather than generic, tells my kids that they are important to me for who they are and what they are becoming. It tells them I notice them. I notice when Harmony gives a puzzle piece to Katie and tell her, "Thank you for sharing with your sister. That's so nice!" I thank my kids for obeying the first time, for completing tasks I give them, and for the help they provide our family. Don't we all wish people would notice the good things we do?

* Find opportunities to work together. There's nothing better than housework for providing opportunities for parents and children to spend time together. When those interactions can be positive (and I realize they are not always), there's something about working side-by-side that fosters real communication and unity. And while going to do fun things together is enjoyable, there's something so mutually satisfying about being able to look back on a job well done. Last week, for example, I got together with a few women to organize the nursery at our Church building. Joey and Sarah came along and were an amazing help, sorting and organizing toys and helping entertain the other kids who were there. While we didn't do a lot of talking, the transformation of the nursery from a chaotic mess of toys into an orderly, logical place felt great and I could tell both kids felt great about what they'd done (and they enjoyed the work hours I gave them for helping).

I think our ancestors probably fostered most of their relationships through work with their kids, as they taught them skills and worked together to keep the family running. I love how most work engages the body physically while leaving the mind free for conversation and bonding. This summer, I divided the work into three weekly schedules, with me, Joey and Lillian each partnered up with a different younger child for three weeks before rotating. I enjoyed the concentrated time with each of my partners to teach how to do the work and also to enjoy their company.

* Shut off distractions. We have tried to minimize outside intrusions in our family. When we got married, we got a piano instead of a television and while we eventually got a TV and DVD player, we've avoided channel television for the most part (we try to get service or deal with rabbit ears every two years for the Olympics). We don't watch a lot of television, we aren't major sports fans, and neither my husband and I are involved in time-consuming hobbies outside of our family (but gee, that "work" thing my husband has to do can sure take a lot of time!). We are very careful about the extra things we sign our kids up for so they aren't a drain on family time or resources.

* Work to create family traditions that foster relationships. One of our family traditions is traveling. We usually get away on family trips three times a year, with my husband doing an additional Daddy Trip during the summer. We own two weeks in a timeshare that we can trade for weeks all over the country, but we've stuck to the west so far because we can't afford to fly everyone. We love to drive off in our huge van to explore Arizona, California, Colorado, Nevada, and more. We keep it inexpensive most of the time, doing things like hiking, swimming, and exploring. We usually stay in a two bedroom villa with a kitchen and laundry facilities, so we make our own meals and save money there too. The travel thing is something that I've had to consciously decide to embrace because it wasn't something I grew up with (my family was a backpacking and camping one). But I think I now get almost as excited as my husband when it's time for another fun trip. It's wonderful to have a week focused just on making memories like these moments from October's trip to Southern Utah:

As families, we cannot do it all -- we can't sign up for every sport, music, or other activity and we can't have all the hobbies or family activities we see others doing. It's important to focus on the things that make your family unique and special. Our family does horseback riding, running, traveling, rockhounding, and hiking.

* Read books together. We aren't as consistent with this as we used to be, but we do read to our younger kids nearly every day and we've embraced a love of reading in our home. One blessing of having older kids is that when DH or I have too much going on, there are plenty of other readers willing to take our place. Allison and Sarah have been taking turns reading to the littler girls in their room and they love it. We like to listen to books on CD on our trips as well, especially humorous ones like Patrick McManus or Barbara Park.

* Understand that part of teaching children to be mature, loving individuals means helping them to see and understand the needs of others. For the littlest ones, this means that it's not just inevitable that sometimes they have to wait while I tend to someone else's needs; it's also important for their development as compassionate individuals. A large family is an ideal environment to understand that while mom and dad love YOU, that doesn't mean your needs always come first. In the course of life, I tell my kids to wait -- for example, "I'll read your book as soon as I'm done doing Sarah's hair," or "I'd love to do that puzzle with you, but right now, Katie's feeling sad and I need to rock her." Because I do give them plenty of time and opportunity to see that I know and love them, they are very good about understanding that I also have other people I love that need time and attention.

* Be candid, especially with older children, about weaknesses and limitations. If I'm exhausted and cranky, I explain to my children I have very little patience remaining that day. Sometimes they are understanding, but many time they are just kids who continue to wear on my last nerves! If they want me to do something that I just don't have time for, I explain the other pressures on me and try to suggest an alternative. I think it's good for kids to understand that they will not always get what they want when they want it. These past few weeks, Joey has been asking me to make him a Skeletor cloak out of some purple fabric in the sewing room. Since we spent a week on a trip and I had a million things on my schedule for last week besides getting caught up from being gone, I explained to him how much I had to do to get ready for the trip and take care of the other things our family needs. I told him I just might not get to it, though I would try. He was disappointed, but understanding. He asked me again last Monday (when I was facing twelve loads of laundry and a very messy house -- why do kids always choose the most inconvenient times?) about whether I could do a cloak for him. I explained the pressures and other responsibilities I had and told him I would try. I'm happy to report that Tuesday, I was able to take the time to make him a cloak he's very excited about. When I gave it to him, he told me I was the best mom ever and gave me a huge hug. Understanding the other pressures and demands on my time made the gift of the cloak an expression of my love for him and my willingness to sacrifice for him, not just an entitlement.

* Teach that life is not fair, and that parents make mistakes. Kids, especially ages 8 to 11, are naturally concerned about things being equal and fair. They get upset when it seems that someone's getting punished less for the same infraction or that someone's getting special treatment. I am upfront with my kids in explaining that life is not always going to be equal and that while I try to be as fair as I can, I will make mistakes. They may not like my decisions or agree with them, but I'm doing my best and they are expected to respect me. I also take time to explain to them that I'm trying to parent them individually and not equally. My kids are at different ages and ability levels. If you're 11, you're going to be asked to do more work than the 7-year-olds. That's life. I also may not be parenting the 7-year-olds now the way I parented you when you were 7, but that's just the way it is.

* Pray often, study the scriptures, and seek to be worthy of the Lord's Spirit. Of all the things I try to do to make sure my children are nurtured individually, this is the most important. I can't do this alone! I need the spiritual strength and insight I gain as I study the scriptures daily and as I pray for help in my responsibilities. I rely on God's Spirit to direct me in my daily goal of putting my efforts towards the most important things. Some days, that might be creating a clean and orderly home. Other days, I might spend most of my time playing with my children or caring for a child who's having a tough time. I believe that Heavenly Father didn't send me my children to fail. He knows and loves each of them individually even more than I do and I believe He chose them for our family. I comment often to my children how thankful I am that God sent us Eliza, or Joey or "aren't we thankful Katie came to our family?" Each one of them is a gift and a blessing as well as a challenge. With the Lord's help and His direction, I can be directed to know when one of them needs something I'm not providing. I can know what I need to do to help one of them with a particular challenge. I can know when it's time to intervene and work hard to correct some misbehavior and when it's simply time to be patient and allow the child to mature more. I won't always be perfect, but I think, with God's help, I can do well enough that my children will become what He envisions for them.

What are some ways you've found to nurture your children individually? How do you show love in your family? What things did your parents do to help you feel loved?

Halloween Memories (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-11-02T10:09:00.001-06:00

Little Girls Dressed up for the Library and Preschool Parties

Katie reacting to her sisters' costumes:

and then dressed up herself:

Lillian cooking up Ghoulish Goodies

Dressed up for School Parties (our school has a dumb "curriculum-based" costume rule, but luckily it wasn't too hard to fit the themes this year -- Mystery Book Character, Peter Pan, Book Character). Sarah was Wendy and Allison was a Pirate:

Trunk or Treating

And Halloween itself. We love that our town has trick-or-treating downtown so we can go out when the weather's warmer and it's still light. The older kids also do the neighborhood.

There has got to be SOME good in Skeletor -- after all, he's a BYU fan!

I love that Harmony is such a generous soul. When trick-or-treaters started knocking on our door, she ran to get her own candy bin and started passing out her own candy!

I didn't take a picture of all the candy, but it was an obscene amount. Lillian weighed it and let's just say it was well over 20 lbs. In our family, we let the kids eat a ton on Halloween itself, then the rest is put into a bin for the whole family to use as incentives/bribes, lunch treats, and the like.

One thing that's great about having so many Halloween hand-me-downs (many of them I sewed myself back when I had time for that) is that the youngest kids have plenty of costumes to choose from. At various times this week, Harmony was a super-hero, a princess, a dog, a bear, and a rooster.

Day at the Pumpkin Patch (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-10-26T08:01:00.000-06:00

with Harmony & Eliza's preschool field trip and our friend Mindy

Don't you love the furrowed brow?

Hang in there (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-10-19T10:36:00.000-06:00

It's worth it!

I'm loving it!

2011-10-13T21:58:00.003-06:00

Thanks to Chalice Leaman (of Mesa AZ) for the great family photos -- it's no small feat getting ten people to look nice (my job) or look at the camera all at the same time (hers). I think between the both of us, we did all right.

And that beautiful river in the background? It's right behind our house. We live in one awesome place.

Three Years Old (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-10-12T08:01:00.000-06:00

I took Harmony out for a quick photo shoot the other day. I was so pleased with how these captured her personality! By the way, I still have a few spaces available if you are looking for family photos this fall -- my schedule is here.

Mothering Milestones that Change your Life: Kids in School

2011-10-10T10:38:00.006-06:00

A friend of mine with two young toddlers told me after seeing my schedule that she is much more determined to be organized and is working on a similar schedule for herself.

Rather than be encouraging in her quest, I wanted to cry out, "No! You're at a completely different stage of life than I'm in. Enjoy it!" I wish I could have taken the time to sit down with her and explain that right now, she's at a unique stage in life. There are no school bells and very few activities demanding she be somewhere at a certain time. Without that structure, she's free to create her own schedule completely around the needs of her little ones and her own desires. It doesn't matter so much if grocery shopping gets put off a day or two while she spends a few days working on a huge project. The dishes can wait a little bit while she read stories to children. If the weather is nice, it's wonderful to be able to take a walk and let the kids romp at the park without worrying about being back in time to pick up your kindergartner or that there won't be time later in the day to finish those kitchen dishes.

I miss that part of those days -- the unstructured parts of the day where I could just let whims dictate how I filled my time. When the kids seemed restless, I could rush off to the park or a museum at virtually a moment's notice. I hardly ever planned fun activities for my kids because they just seemed to happen.

(One of our favorite summertime activities was wading in the river behind our house. Here, Lillian is 6, Joey is 4, Michael is 3, and Allison and Sarah are 1.)

But I believe there are several milestones in mothering that change your life and your daily habits. The first is when you have children in school. Once the school schedule starts to break up your day, determining when you wake up and when you have to be doing what, you start to lose a little bit of that magical, let-things-happen part of your life. It happens gradually, but it happens. As more and more of your children attend school, your days are dictated more and more by that schedule (and yes, you homeschooling moms have a different story to tell). After school, the time gets filled more and more with homework, piano lessons, activities, and juggling all those balls means the "afternoon shift" leaves little time for catch-up if you get behind in the morning.
(Lillian on her first day of first grade -- I had no idea how much my life would change in the next five years!)

At my stage of life, with five kids in grades 2-7, three preschoolers, and pregnancy that divide my time and energy, I don't have the luxury of wasting much time. If I get behind on the housework or miss a grocery shopping day, our family suffers. I have to be organized and disciplined enough to stick to a basic schedule or things fall apart. As part of that scheduling, I've lost a bit of the ability to just let the days unfold. I've found that at my stage in life, I have to plan the fun outings with the kids or they don't happen. I have to set aside the day and time for library storytime or we end up missing it. It works well because I have gradually learned the discipline and work ethic I need at this point, but it's not something I relish about this time in my life.

But at my friend's stage of life, with just young children at home, life is so different and the schedule should be as well. So my advice those with young children is an echo of so much advice given to young moms: Enjoy these days! Enjoy these times when you can fit life around your family's whims and needs and not have to fit your life around a schedule. Sure, set up some basic structure and scheduling, and if your house is falling apart due to lack of attention, then get to work! But do it around your kids' naps and your husband's work schedule. Take some time to pursue your interests and talents (another thing I have to schedule in or it doesn't happen). Leave some time to just let life unfold.

Overpopulation Myths (Friday Favorites)

2011-10-07T08:11:00.002-06:00

I think these videos are very well done, and if you go to the site that produces them, they back up all their statements with research and facts.

Some other interesting articles about the troubles with declining birthrates around the world, along with a few telling quotes:

Where Have All the Children Gone? Number of Children Declining Across the Country
This article includes these facts:
* According to the 2010 Census, "95 percent of U.S. counties have fewer children today than they did in 2000."
*"It's more common to have a dog (43 million homes) than a child under 18 (38 million)."

Low Birth Rate Has Economic Consequences
* "With above replacement fertility for 150 years, many programs were instituted that worked well in growing populations, including pay-as-you-go Social Security and Medicare, he said. “Basically both of these systems tax the young to pay for the old,” Becker said. “But it’s getting harder and harder to do that. For example, Japan is facing a real problem. The population is getting older and there are fewer young people. Germany, Russia, and a number of other countries are facing this problem, as well.”"

Population Implosion? Low Fertility and Policy Responses in the European Union
* "At the same time, low fertility is accelerating the ageing of European populations. As a region, Europe in 2000 had the highest percentage of people age 65 or older — 15 percent. According to data from the U.S. Bureau of the Census, this percentage is expected to nearly double by 2050.^[1] These demographic trends portend difficult times ahead for European economies. For example, a shrinking workforce can reduce productivity. At the same time, the growing proportion of elderly individuals threatens the solvency of pension and social insurance systems. As household sizes decrease, the ability to care for the elderly diminishes. Meanwhile, elderly people face growing health care needs and costs."

Demographic Winter more Certain than Global Warming
* "If you have contracting economies, what does this say about our future ability to pay for a baby boom generation coming into its senior years, soon to leave the workforce and needing support? What does it say about our future ability to pay down our current huge budget deficits? The engines of commerce will be strained as the workers of today fail to replace themselves, the consumer base shrivels, and you have fewer innovators."

Q&A Thursday: Dining Table

2011-10-06T09:11:00.004-06:00

Today's Question comes from Sarah:

Where did you get your dining room table? I have been on a quest for a few years for a table that is real wood, light colored (I'm woefully out of fashion right now apparently), can seat 6 daily and easily expand to seat 10, have pedestals and rounded edges (I imagine I can seat even more than if the corners were squared and had legs) be able to take the lumps and bumps of kids and is affordable. Yours seems to fit that bill.

We bought our table at a store called Oak Plus about ten years ago. It has since gone out of business in our area. Our table has two leaves, the great pedestals, and we can seat up to ten people when necessary. Eight fits quite comfortably, but since we have nine seated at the table (Katie's in a high chair nearby) now, it's getting a bit cramped.

And Sarah, I feel your pain in your quest, because we are on a similar quest to find a new table ourselves. We love the brightness of our maple kitchen (when we were building, alder was the fashion), and were glad our table matched that. Since then, though, the trend seems to be going towards dark, dark, dark and it has been tough for us to find what we're looking for.

Our plan is to fill the space with two square tables with pedastals. Pushed together, the two tables will seat twelve, and then when we have company, we can pull the two tables apart and seat four more by having two tables instead of one. While there are tons of dark tables, we have not been able to find anything in maple anywhere on the internet or in local furniture shops.

Luckily, my husband is fairly handy and we were able to find two pedestals on Ebay rather inexpensively. Since I just want a basic, unadorned square top, he's planning on making it. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping by Christmas we'll have a new table. Good luck in your quest!

Beautiful Fall (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-10-05T11:26:00.000-06:00

Someday, I might take more time for nature photography:

But for now, I get more excited about the WILD LIFE I enjoy every day:

Weekend Thoughts

2011-10-03T10:38:00.008-06:00

(Sarah's paper dolls from her activity packet)

I've decided General Conference is like a well-attended baby shower. You get so many exciting gifts that it's hard to keep track of them all. It isn't until you take them home, examine them one by one, and decide where they fit into your life and home that you really appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gifts and how helpful they will be.

This past weekend, we listened to eight hours of speakers and lovely music. Eight hours is a lot of time to dedicate to listening and learning, particularly when you have eight kids, but to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, this is an important weekend that comes twice year. We believe our Church is a modern restoration of Christ's Church, and that includes having prophets and apostles on the earth today -- we believe that our leaders are not just inspired, not just generally good, but that they have the same calling and authority as prophets did anciently. They are not perfect men, but they are men who have the calling to speak for God, and we take that seriously.

So, what do modern prophets speak about for eight hours? Lots of things, but in particular their testimony and the doctrine of Christ and his Atonement and Ressurection. They also instruct us in how better to teach and rear our families, how to be better examples and more charitable, how to respond to tragedy and trial, and how to communicate with God more fully through prayer and scripture study.

One of my favorite talks for its clarity and focus was about how Latter-day Saints view and honor the family and why we have children. If you've ever wondered why I or other LDS families you know have more kids than the average household, this talk is for you. Later in the week, the words of all the talks will be posted and I'll do some more extensive quotes.

One of the best parts of conference for our family was the announcement that the Provo Tabernacle, which was burned in a fire last Christmas, will be turned into a temple. This is a building that has housed meetings, graduations (including DH's), concerts (including one of my BYU choir's), and more.
I'd driven by it on Thursday and looked at its charred remains and felt so sad. What a great tribute to the people who sacrificed to build it in the first place to have it become a temple. Beauty for ashes.

Despite the beautiful feast conference is, it can be tough on kids to pay attention that long.

My kids were really, really good for the first two hours. See?

They colored and took notes at the table and were amazingly quiet. The second hour, they all helped me sort through all our kid puzzles. We did every single one (probably 25 to 30 total), trying to find and match up all the homeless pieces.

They weren't QUITE as good for the rest of the sessions. I heard the words "boring" and "how much longer?" more than a few times, but there wasn't any fighting and I know at least the older ones were listening.

We try to make sure the weekend isn't just sitting and listening. We roasted s'mores in our backyard. We went for a walk to the duck pond yesterday, where Sarah caught a new friend and was disappointed when I wouldn't let her keep him. We enjoyed the fall colors. We let the kids play outside between sessions, where Michael led three of his sisters in an elaborate Orc-fighting game.

It was a beautiful weekend.

Random Friday

2011-09-30T10:09:00.006-06:00

* During the six months I trained to run a marathon, the only illness I ever had was a tiny bit of a cold that lasted for one day. Running is a huge boost to the immune system. I haven't been running (tried a couple times but my knee wasn't healed, so I'm giving it some time) much since the marathon, though I'm still exercising. And last weekend, I got a cold that completely knocked me flat. It's been a week and it's still hanging around. I could do with some immunity boosters now!

* What are the chances that I get sick the same week I have seven dentist appointments, playgroup at my house (canceled it), an ultrasound, five parent-teacher conferences, early-out days at school, and my husband's gone for four days? When I went to get pizza last night for dinner (it's called coping!) the lady asked, "Are you having a party?" Nope, just eight kids and (almost) enough pizza to last for two meals!

* I'm really, really, really excited to have another girl. Really. I wasn't secretly hoping for a boy at all, though I'm still pretty sure there will be a boy joining us sometime in the future. We think her name will be Camilla Eowyn (DH's first choice for middle name!), and I think our family is so blessed to have so many girls in a row. We have two boys, and they're blessed to be close together, just 18 months apart and a year apart in school, and when I said I'd be happy with either gender, I really meant it.

* It's interesting how people tend to get the challenges and trials that are the hardest for them to deal with. It reminds me of this quote: Since personal growth is an intended outcome of these challenges, it should come as no surprise that the trials can be very personal—almost laser guided to our particular needs or weaknesses. I was talking with a friend last night about the dangers of comparing our trials -- "You can't understand this because I have more kids" or "Why is this thing so hard for me when so-and-so does it beautifully?"

Sometimes we are less than compassionate with people who struggle with things we are strong in. The example I shared was when I read a book about a woman who gave birth to a son with Down Syndrome. She was devastated for a long time by the diagnosis, angry and frustrated. As I read, I found myself really bothered by her attitude and unsympathetic to her difficulties adjusting to the news. I realized later, however, that in large part that was because I taught special education. I had experience and understanding of the diagnosis and if such a thing were to happen to me, it would likely not be devastating. However, to this woman, who had never even talked to a person with Down Syndrome, the trial was overwhelming. It was one of those "laser guided" trials that shook her to the core. In the same way, I've had trials that have brought me low that might be no big deal to someone with different experience and talents.

* A related thought is that just because someone has more kids or seemingly bigger trials than another doesn't mean there is no way for them to relate and sympathize with one another. When training for a marathon, the person running her first seven-miler has a lot in common with one who is running their first eighteen-miler. Just because one has run more miles than another does not make that experience harder for them to bear. (In fact, I was more sore and exhausted after my first seven-miler than I was the eighteen). Both of them are stretching their muscles to the limits of what they can endure. Both of them are attempting something difficult, and both will gain and grow from that experience. They are both runners working on building their endurance, and that should allow them to unite over their common experiences rather than quibble over whose experience is more difficult.

I've said this before, but people often say things like, "Wow, I can't imagine eight kids! I'm having a tough time with my (two, three, five) kids." I often respond, "Well, it was hard for me when I had (two, three, five) kids, too." We may be at different stages in our motherhood "training" but that doesn't mean we don't have a lot in common. (And once again, NO, after three, it's not all the same anyway. Each child is a sacrifice, a challenge, and a blessing)

* Fall at our house means there's more critters for my girls to catch. I'm not too fond of the snakes, and we still have our "two days and then you let them go" rule in regards to the critters, but I do enjoy seeing some of the lovely things these girls find, including dragonflies!

t
* Tomorrow and Sunday is General Conference, where in our Church we get to hear from the leaders we sustain as modern prophets (prophets, yes, just like the ones in the Old and New Testament). Last Saturday was a special session for the women of the Church, and there were some amazingly tender talks. My favorite had to be this one, with gems like this:

Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.

In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences.

I love how many posts have gone up on various blogs about preparing for conference, with ideas for helping children participate and learn. Here are a few posts I've found that summarize some of the great resources out there to prepare:

Unique General Conference Ideas at We Talk of Christ, We Rejoice in Christ
Preparing children for General Conference at Diapers and Divinity
and I love the ideas that Cheryl uses for her kids (picnic tables sound awesome!)

It's a . . .

2011-09-27T20:02:00.005-06:00

We had an ultrasound tonight!

Before I make any announcements, let me give you a hint
(or in other words, an excuse to show off some cute pictures).

I can't believe Katie was ever that little:

YEP!
It's our SEVENTH GIRL!
I love watching my little girls grow up together and I'm so excited to add to their number. When this one's born, that will make six girls born in a span of 7.5 years! Can't you just imagine the fun when they're teenagers?

Thirty Minutes to a More Balanced Life (Friday Favorites)

2011-09-23T19:11:00.000-06:00

I loved listening to this question and answer program with Julie B. Beck on the subject of Finding Balance. It's only about thirty minutes long, and I guarantee you'll learn something that applies in your life!

If you're interested in learning more on my thoughts about balance, see my three-part post on the subject here, here and here.

Perfection pending: the message of the marathon

2011-09-22T14:17:00.008-06:00

Two days before I ran my marathon, I was feeling very low. I was filled with anxiety about managing 26.2 miles on a injured knee, overwhelmed with some private struggles, and discouraged by the workload of raising a large family and caring for my other responsibilities. I woke up in the early hours of the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. After a few hours of tears and prayers and seeking peace, I went out for a run to see how my knee was doing.

It wasn't good. I hobbled through a couple of miles, and then headed home feeling worse than ever. "Why can't anything be easy for me?" I wondered. "I've done everything I can do. I've pushed through the training when all I wanted to do was curl up and feel sorry for myself and let the morning sickness take over. I've slowed down at the very time I wanted most to speed up. Why can't I just have a normal marathon experience? Why does it have to be THIS way -- what can I possibly learn about pushing through pain that I haven't learned already from my life as a mother?" I had faith that somehow, I'd complete the goal, as I'd been promised in a blessing, but as my mind went through how hard the last few months had been, I was caught up in how unfair it all was.

And it wasn't just the running; it was so many other areas in my life. The other burdens I carried felt very heavy that day. How much responsibility for our home, our yard, our family's routines, my children's development were on my shoulders. How much I had sacrificed to be a good mother to so many children. How hard it was sometimes to continue to add to our family in the face of opposition. How much I had given in exhaustion, in pain, in sleep, in the giving up of other things I wanted to do. How I had worked so hard to get my health in order and lose weight and then had those goals interrupted by this pregnancy. How hurtful some comments I had received had been. How lonely and misunderstood I felt at times. And on and on.

It just felt too heavy that the one thing I'd worked so hard for this year, to run a marathon successfully, seemed destined for disaster. Didn't I deserve a little bit of a break? Couldn't just this one thing go right for me?

I worked through that discouragement, sought for peace throughout that day, and felt more serenity and comfort on Friday.

Then Saturday, I ran the marathon. It wasn't the way I'd wanted it to be. It was more painful than I had hoped, I went much slower than I know I'm capable of (uninjured, that is) but the fact is, I RAN that marathon -- injured & pregnant -- and I loved the experience. I felt so blessed that I was able to do what I did, even without the tidy, perfect ending I'd pictured.

I knew I'd been blessed with tender mercies that day, and I've thought on that experience many times since, wondering if there was a deeper meaning in it for me.

I'm convinced there was. In the beauty of that day and the joy of completing something was a larger message for me, and it goes something like this:

You are not alone. God will carry you and allow you to do amazing things, if you only have the eyes to see them for what they are. You are doing all right. You have been so worried for so long about living up to your standards for yourself and your family that you have not been able to see past your imperfections to what you are accomplishing. You thought this was about fitness and strength and running at your full capacity. It's not. It's about adjusting to life as it comes and finding joy in the journey. It's about forgetting those impossible standards you've set for yourself and allowing yourself to walk when necessary without worrying about those who will judge you for being weak. It's about hobbling through pain at times. It's about feeling content with whatever progress you can make.

And most of all, it's about moving forward towards a far-off finish line, doing what you know you've been asked to without worrying so much about whether your efforts measure up to whatever standard you set for yourself. You'll get there. Not in the way you want nor with the ease and flow and consistency you desire, but you'll get there.

Don't give up.

Finding Joy in Mothering (Nearly Wordless Wednesday)

2011-09-21T09:27:00.006-06:00

(First, another reminder that voting is on-going. I'm in 12th place or so right now and could use a few votes! -- just click on this badge, and scroll down to my blog to vote.)

After spending a few weeks feeling overwhelmed and as if I was drowning in the work around here, I've been determined to find more joy in my life, even if it means ignoring some of the messes. (It helps that I have made some progress in cleaning out and organizing lately).

* We had a campfire in our backyard for family home evening on Monday.

* I've been walking several times with a friend -- it's amazing how a good conversation uplifts and helps put things in perspective.

* I've been doing a few photoshoots and enjoying the chance to develop those talents further.

* I cleaned out a few hot spots in my house that were really bothering me -- and yes, having order does help me find joy. A few things rearranged in the kitchen make it much easier to bake cookies (I did that too), find bowls, and make oatmeal nearly every day for breakfast (I'm SO tired of paying for cereal).

* I gave up on making bread for my family every Wednesday. They weren't appreciating it much and I decided it wasn't worth my time for now. They ARE appreciating the homemade zuchinni bread, cookies, and brownies I've made instead. (Amazing what the addition of a bit of sugar does to gratitude levels).

* I am now (FINALLY) past the morning-sickness stage of pregnancy. It hung around a little too long! The baby's moving a bit, I've had some Braxton Hicks, and I'm trying to ignore the scale when it tells me I've gained ten pounds since June. I'm getting more and more excited about my ultrasound in just a week -- my husband's got this great idea that it would be fun to not find out (thanks a lot, Rebecca!), but I think I've convinced him I need to know. I'm feeling more and more as if it's a girl, but I've been wrong before!

* I kept a positive attitude even when some mysterious bug caused six of my children to throw up in the middle of the night, a different child (or two) each night. Not a single one of them made it to the bathroom, so there's been a lot of laundry.

* When Eliza wanted to go to the duck pond the other day, I brought my camera. I've been neglecting to photograph my own children lately, and adding that back into my life was thrilling, especially when with very little effort, I got shots like these:

This has got to be my favorite shot of Harmony ever -- her personality is larger than life:

What have you found that brings you joy?

Q&A Thursday: Mother's Guild Meetings

2011-09-15T15:14:00.005-06:00

(First -- a shameless plea for votes -- just click on this badge if you like my blog.)

Now, today's question is about my mother's group:

I know that you host a mother's group. I'd like to do one here. Can you tell me more about how you make it work?

I've been hosting The Amazing Mother's Guild for going on three years now. Once a month, we have a discussion on a Friday morning at my house (You can read through the notes from some of the meetings we'd have in the past here). I'm blessed with a large home that's built to handle lots of kids, so it works out well. Usually, we have between 6 and 10 moms come, and my house is filled with the noise of between 15 and 30 kids happily playing while we visit. Last year, we had a nearby home-schooled teenager come a few times to help play with the kids, but usually, the kids get along amazingly well. I've tried at times to get out things like playdough or coloring for the kids, but I find they mostly abandon those things in favor of our slide and downstairs playroom with its toys. I also get out a bin of toys for babies and toddlers, who stay close by while we discuss.

Since the kids often play downstairs while we are upstairs discussing, I do cull the toys down to just a few bins and I also lock the doors to all the rooms so they aren't wandering through bedrooms. Other than that simple preparation, and making sure the house is reasonably clean, the groups is very easy to host.

(our slide is a big hit with small visitors)

For the first two years, we also planned field trips once a month, to places like Pumpkinland, local museums, and the fire station. While some of the field trips would have a decent turn-out, others were very sparsely attended and I decided not to do them this year. It seemed that the need for the recreation together was never as strong as the need for education and discussion.

We've had some wonderful discussions over the years, from mothers of all ages and expertise. I love to ask my older neighbors who have raised their families successfully to come in and share their ideas on keeping marriages strong, building family unity, and teaching children responsibility. It's also wonderful to hear from the older generation as well as my peers.

The group goes from September to May, and I try to schedule the discussion leader at the beginning of the year to cut down on my stress. I emphasize that they don't need to be experts, just willing to share what they've learned and invite discussion on the topic. We're all learning together, and I love the synergy of ideas as we discuss various topics.

All reminders for the group are via email. I usually send out two emails, one a week in advance and one a day or two before. I've created a group distribution list in Outlook that simplifies things. Last year, I also figured out how to schedule my emails so that I could do write and set up a bunch of emails in advance and then just allow Outlook to send them for me at the appropriate time. Since I also send out the email reminders for our Book Club, this has been a life-saver!

The first year, we tried to have a book discussion every few months, but I found that very few read the book, some stayed away because they hadn't read it, and since many of us already belonged to a book club, we decided to just drop that part.

Last year, I added a short Conference Moment to each month's discussion. Every six months, the leaders of my Church address gospel topics in a series of meetings called General Conference. The topics covered by the many speakers are diverse, but there are always some that apply specifically to motherhood and family life. I went through and pick out those talks, assign them to a different mother each time, and they'd spend a few minutes reviewing the talk and what they've learned from it.

The main discussion usually lasts for about an hour and then we spend another half hour or so visiting before people drift away to pick up kindergartners or make lunch. It's been a great experience for me to learn from other moms I admire and love, both those who prepare the discussion and those who participate in it.

Here are the topics we discussed our first year:

Finding Joy in the Journey
What to Expect in the Delivery Room
Book Discussion: Contentment by Maria Covey Cole
Effective Family Home Evening and Scripture Study
Girl's Hairstyles
Book Discussion: A Mother's Book of Secrets by Linda Eyre and Shawna Porthier
Home Organization & Cleaning
Improving Your Marriage (notes are here)
Planning Your Summer Schedule and Local Outings

And the second year:

Finding Joy in the Journey
Strengthening Marriages (notes are here)
Teaching Children Responsibility (notes are here)
Family Traditions
Effective Family Home Evening and Scripture Study
Finding Balance in Our Many Responsibilities (Since I led this one, notes are in three parts: part one, part two, and part three)
Steps to Better Home Organization
Preparing Future Missionaries
Raising Siblings Who Love Each Other (notes are here)

And here is what is on the schedule for this year. A few of us met in May to come up with topics to discuss and ideas for discussion leaders. Having that all decided a few months ago made it easy to get this together:

Understanding and Coping with Depression
Maintaining Your Health and Fitness
Making Your Spouse a Priority
Creative Discipline: Getting Kids to Mind without Losing Your Mind
Improving Family Home Evenings
Keeping Romance Alive
Embracing Your Little Helpers: Child Development in the Preschool Years
Maintaining Positive Relationships with your Children as they Age

Do you participate in any groups with other moms? How is your group organized? Any ideas to add to what I've shared here?

Growing into a Toddler (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-09-14T10:51:00.002-06:00

By the way, it's still not too late to vote for me (you can even vote once a day if you really, really like me) -- just click on this badge:

Katie's 16 months now, and so much fun!

We think she's a little goofy-looking -- cute & adorable, sure, but also goofy-looking! But we've got confidence she'll grow into her looks and end up a beauty. After all, we had one other goofy-looking child in Eliza:

And she's one of our prettiest little girls now!

Vote for me -- please?

2011-09-13T08:24:00.002-06:00

I've been nominated for one of the Top 25 Large Family Blogs over at Circle of Moms.

Click on the badge to vote for me!

Ten Years Ago

2011-09-12T13:13:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, the world was in turmoil and commotion. The evil wrought by a few destroyed many innocent lives and shattered others. It was hard to feel peace on that day.

Ten Years Ago Today, this crazy little guy, my first son, took his first steps.

And I felt peace again. They were more than first steps to me; they were the promise of good things to come, the reassurance that life's most important values continued on. They were the proof that God was still in His Heaven, watching over His children.

* * *

The leader of our Church, President Thomas S. Monson, wrote a piece about 9/11 for the Washington Post On Faith blog. I found it moving and am posting it in its entirety here, bolding the parts that I loved the most:

The calamity of September 11th, 2001 has cast a long shadow. Ten years later, many of us are still haunted by its terrible tragedy of lost lives and broken hearts. It is an episode of anguish that has become a defining moment in the history of the American nation and the world. This week, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, along with Tom Brokaw, will pay its own homage to the unforgettable events of September 11, 2001.

There was, as many have noted, a remarkable surge of faith following the tragedy. People across the United States rediscovered the need for God and turned to Him for solace and understanding. Comfortable times were shattered. We felt the great unsteadiness of life and reached for the great steadiness of our Father in Heaven. And, as ever, we found it. Americans of all faiths came together in a remarkable way.

Sadly, it seems that much of that renewal of faith has waned in the years that have followed. Healing has come with time, but so has indifference. We forget how vulnerable and sorrowful we felt. Our sorrow moved us to remember the deep purposes of our lives. The darkness of our despair brought us a moment of enlightenment. But we are forgetful. When the depth of grief has passed, its lessons often pass from our minds and hearts as well.

Our Father’s commitment to us, His children, is unwavering. Indeed He softens the winters of our lives, but He also brightens our summers. Whether it is the best of times or the worst, He is with us. He has promised us that this will never change.

But we are less faithful than He is. By nature we are vain, frail, and foolish. We sometimes neglect God. Sometimes we fail to keep the commandments that He gives us to make us happy. Sometimes we fail to commune with Him in prayer. Sometimes we forget to succor the poor and the downtrodden who are also His children. And our forgetfulness is very much to our detriment.

If there is a spiritual lesson to be learned from our experience of that fateful day, it may be that we owe to God the same faithfulness that He gives to us. We should strive for steadiness, and for a commitment to God that does not ebb and flow with the years or the crises of our lives. It should not require tragedy for us to remember Him, and we should not be compelled to humility before giving Him our faith and trust. We too should be with Him in every season.

The way to be with God in every season is to strive to be near Him every week and each day. We truly “need Him every hour,” not just in hours of devastation. We must speak to Him, listen to Him, and serve Him. If we wish to serve Him, we should serve our fellow men. We will mourn the lives we lose, but we should also fix the lives that can be mended and heal the hearts that may yet be healed.

It is constancy that God would have from us. Tragedies are not merely opportunities to give Him a fleeting thought, or for momentary insight to His plan for our happiness. Destruction allows us to rebuild our lives in the way He teaches us, and to become something different than we were. We can make Him the center of our thoughts and His Son, Jesus Christ, the pattern for our behavior. We may not only find faith in God in our sorrow. We may also become faithful to Him in times of calm.

Two Preschool Girls (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-09-07T21:11:00.000-06:00

I RAN A MARATHON! (The long version)

2011-09-06T08:01:00.003-06:00

I'm getting such a thrill saying that to myself: "I ran a marathon." I get even more thrilled to add, "and I loved it!" And the little braggart in me wants to go on with, "And I did it 15 weeks pregnant and with a knee injury!" Maybe I'll be more humble later on, but right now, I'm really proud of myself.

A Little Running Background:
A little over two years ago, I had never run a mile in my life. I'd exercised in other ways, but running? That was for someone else. Then I gradually started to run and built up some stamina, culminating in running my first 5K when I was 12 weeks pregnant with my 8th child. I continued to run until I was about 6 months along, then just walked the last few months of pregnancy. After Katie was born in May of 2010, I did a bit of running, including another 5K when she was two months old, but nothing really serious.

In January I decided this was the year I was finally going to tackle my fitness in a big way. I thought I'd have a little break before our next baby was born (ha ha, joke's on me!), so I filled in the year with races -- a 10K in March, my first half marathon in June, and then, with a lot of trepidation and fear, I signed up for the St. George marathon lottery and got in!

I was running off and on, but my longest distance was still only about 3.5 miles when I started training in January. I gradually built that up, training first for the Utah Valley Half, and feeling so proud of myself. Along the way, I learned a lot of life lessons and really discovered why I was doing this.

With the half marathon successfully completed, I jumped halfway into a marathon training plan, gearing up for the St. George marathon on October 1st. A week later, I found out that baby #9 was anxious to arrive around Valentines Day. I decided to continue training, with some modifications, and I was all set to run. My doctor, however, wasn't so sure about running the St. George marathon when I was 20 weeks along. She's run four marathons herself, so I had to take her advice seriously. With that in mind, I chose the Mesa Falls Marathon, five weeks earlier, and my doctor said she felt much better about my running one at 15 weeks. She counseled me to avoid dehydration and training too hard and told me I was amazing.

Things were going pretty well in the training, and my 18-miler was a huge success. Then came my 21-miler, and horrible hip pain that kept me from running at all after the first nine miles. I was determined to finish the distance anyway, so I walked. It wasn't so bad the first few miles, but by the time I finished out the full 21, my feet were two masses of blisters, my right hip and knee were killing me, and I could barely move. I'd thought running 21 miles would be hard, but I discovered that walking the last 12 miles were worse! The recovery from that "run" was my worst ever.

The hip pain subsided over the next week, but the knee pain didn't go away. I struggled with it through the Provo River Half Marathon the next Saturday and I was panicked when it recurred during my 8 mile run the week before the marathon. I went to a physical therapist twice the week of the marathon, hoping to speed up the healing and get through the marathon in one piece.

I went out for one run on Thursday morning, but the knee was still really sore and I didn't run enough of it to see how bad it would get. Needless to say, I went into the marathon last weekend with very low expectations. If it hadn't been for the pregnancy, I would have canceled the race and focused instead on one a bit further out, giving my leg a chance to really heal beforehand. But I knew this was my only chance and I determined to make the best of it. If I could just somehow get through the miles, then I had plenty of time to take a long running break and get things working better afterwards.

But I needed to get through those miles first, and while I trusted in the assurance I felt from Heavenly Father that I'd be able to see success in my goals, I didn't quite know what that "success" would look like. I determined in my mind beforehand that if I could run for most of the first ten miles, then I knew I would finish, even if I had to walk the last sixteen. Every mile I could run after the first ten would just decrease the time spent walking. Make no mistake, however -- I knew walking that kind of distance on an injured leg was no piece of cake, either, and I dreaded the extra time it would take and the blisters that would surely form.
Nevertheless, I determined to make the best of it if necessary and try to enjoy the marathon.

Marathon: Day Before

Friday afternoon, DH, Joey, Katie and I left the other kids in the care of my wonderful mother-in-law Carolyn, and headed up to Ashton, Idaho, a five hour drive away. It has been years since I've been on the part of I-15 that goes into Idaho. It was a lovely, soothing drive. I'd gotten most of my anxiety about the race worked through earlier in the week, so I felt calm and relaxed, saying to myself, "Come what may!" The lovely farmland, rolling hills, and beautiful sky were wonderful to drive through. I was amazed by the fields and fields full of sunflowers all along the route.

In Ashton, we stopped first at the elementary school to pick up my packet and enjoy the pre-race dinner. The packets were in Idaho Potato sacks, and I loved that little touch.

The volunteers at the race were so friendly and helpful all the way along. I talked briefly to the race director, reminding him I was doing the early start. He said there were two others who were doing it and reminded me it would be dark. He told me to be at the school at 4:00 and that his driver would leave at 4:15. I was happy to hear I'd still get to enjoy the free runner's breakfast that started at 4:00.

We'd paid $5 each for three tickets to the pre-race pasta dinner that night and ate in the school cafeteria. The pasta dinner was pretty simple -- spaghetti with two kinds of sauce, garlic bread, baked potatoes and salad. We talked to an older couple nearby from Boise who had both run many, many races. With only about two hundred runners doing the full, and around three hundred doing the half, it seemed that most of the marathoners were veterans. It's not a big or well-known race (St. George, for example, attracts 7,000 runners!), and there’s not a lot of downhill, so it seems to attract more veterans, especially those who want to do a marathon in every state and are attracted to one that starts just an hour from Yellowstone. At breakfast in the morning, I sat by several people who had on "marathon maniac" shirts and they were swapping stories about this race or that one and I could see that for some, marathons are addicting!

We stayed at a hotel about a mile north of the elementary school. Katie seemed to know just what her pack-n-play was for, and insisted on getting in it right after we set it up. We got her out a short time later because she wasn't ready for sleep, and she pleasantly ran around the room, climbed on the beds, and ripped up a magazine. DH took Joey out for shakes at the FrosTop drive-in while I stayed back to help Katie to sleep. She hardly whimpered as I put her down, rolling around a lot to get comfortable, sucking on her ring finger as usual, and going to sleep after about a half an hour.

When DH got back, he had to work on his laptop while Joey and I went to sleep. I slept pretty soundly, though I still woke up several times in the night (darn pregnancy hormones!).

Marathon Day

I woke up at 3:15, took a quick shower and braided my hair, got dressed and made sure all my gear was in order, then woke up DH to drive me over. I was really worried about my knee, which was feeling more out of whack, and we said a prayer together in the car just before I left. I got a quick breakfast -- there was a huge spread of fruit, bagels, donuts, juice, milk, and cereal to choose from, all free for the runners and just $3 for others who wanted to tag along -- and then a volunteer named Robert asked who would be doing the early start. It was me and a very fit empty-nester named Doug Calder doing it. The others had decided to start at the regular time, Robert said, and Doug had chosen the early start because he'd found out the night before he was supposed to pick up his daughter at the SLC airport at 3:30. He was using this run as a training run for the Top of Utah marathon in Logan in three weeks and was quite a runner, having done several ultra-marathons in addition to many marathons. Robert told us he would drive behind the slower of us to scare any cows off the course and to illuminate the run for us. That was a nice surprise and a great courtesy. I'd been told I needed to provide my own water until the aid stations opened and that I'd need to provide my own light as well. I'd brought a headlamp, but it was great not to need it.

We started around 5:15 a.m. The first nine and a half miles were on a mostly-level gravel road in the Targhee National Forest. It was very dark when we began and slightly chilly. The stars were stunning and there was the teeniest sliver of a moon. It was a lovely place and I couldn't help but feel it was a great privilege to be out enjoying such a stunning landscape. We startled an owl nearby at one point, but the only other animals we saw were cows.

Doug was kind enough to run alongside me for the first five miles. I really enjoyed having someone to talk to, and felt great through the first three miles. I skipped a lot of walk breaks because the pace we were going was easy enough. At around mile three, however, the knee started acting up and I had to adjust accordingly. Doug was great to walk with me when the pain got too intense for running and with a few more walk breaks than I wanted to take, we got through the first five miles in about seventy minutes. About that time, the sun had come up enough to distinguish the path. Doug went on ahead, and I told Robert I'd be fine. He'd been great to follow after us all that time. He filled up my water bottle and then went on ahead.

I was on my own then, and though I was really worried about the knee, and some additional hip pain I now experienced, I felt like I'd gotten a great start. My goal at this point was just to focus on getting through the first ten miles, running as much as possible. Each mile that passed brought greater confidence, though the pain got worse. The gravel road was surprisingly easy to run on. I'd been worried since I've trained exclusively on asphalt, but though at times there were larger rocks to watch out for, there was plenty of packed dirt mixed with the gravel and it was easy to get footing. I loved the solo running, just me and the lovely landscape, with evergreen forest, open range, and some patches of aspen trees to enjoy. Watching the sun rise over the Tetons in the distance was just icing on the cake.

At around 6:30, I passed my first aid station. I told the volunteers I was pretty sure I was winning, but they pointed out that there was another runner (Doug) ahead of me. I was impressed with the offerings at this and every aid station I passed. Not only was there water and several varieties of Gatorade, but there was a good variety of fruit, in this case, bananas, grapes, and orange slices. Some of the aid stations had a variety of granola bars, power bars, Gu, and gel, and every single one was staffed by nice people. Even towards the end, when I was more towards the back of the pack, the aid stations didn't seem to change. They were still just as well-stocked for the slower runners as for the faster ones. My last two races had been really poor in that way, with aid stations virtually empty for the slower runners -- at the Hobble Creek Half, when I'd deliberately walked the last five miles in order to taper for this marathon, there weren't any volunteers at all, no sign of any food or gel, and some aid "stations" had just a few cups of water left on the ground. So well-stocked and staffed aid stations every other mile or so was not something I took for granted!

After nine and half miles on the gravel road, the course turned south onto the Mesa Falls Scenic Byway. At mile marker eleven, we turned and got to run on the path overlooking the falls. Just before the turn, I started to get passed by the fastest of the male marathoners (the "real" runners!). It was an awesome experience to be an early starter, because I got to see and cheer on individually most of the other marathoners one at a time. The back of my shirt (which read "Mother of 8, Baby #9 on board”) got some comments and accolades from "Should you be out here?" to "You're an inspiration!" and I really enjoyed handing the compliments right back. Dane Rauschenberg, an author who ran 52 marathons in 52 weeks in 2006, was especially encouraging, which I thought was kind (I even got a mention on his blog later on).

There was a photographer near the falls and she got a picture of both the front and back of my shirt.

This picture doesn't do the falls justice:DH was going to meet me at the falls, but it took him a little more time to get the pain medicine I was begging him for (I'd passed an aid station at mile ten and took a half dose of pain pills, hoping they'd help, and knowing DH would have more for me if I needed it). My hip and knee were getting worse and I was hobbling through both the running and walking at this point, but feeling great that I'd gotten through my goal of running the first ten miles and that I was nearing the halfway point.

I met my husband, Joey, and Katie at around mile twelve and a half. Joey ran with me for just a bit.

Then I got to say hi to this cute face!

I braced myself for a lot of walking as the pain was overpowering at this point. I prepared myself mentally to be walking most of the rest of the way. I switched my socks to cut down on blistering, and handed my watch and water belt to my husband. "The aid stations are well-stocked, so I think I can do without this stuff now, " I said. "Don't you need the watch?" he asked. "I'm in so much pain I think I'm going to be walking the rest," I told him. "At this point, all that will tell me is how slow I'm going, and I don't need that!" I tucked another half dose of pain medication into my pocket (I used it around mile 17).

I walked for about another quarter of a mile after meeting DH, but blessedly, the pain started to subside – maybe because the the pain medicine started to work, and certainly the result of all the prayers said on my behalf. I began to run again just before the half-way point. The half-marathoners were gathered at the side of the road waiting for their race to start. It was somewhere around 8:30, because not long after I passed, they started to pass me. They were a great cheering section. They cheered me as I went by, and then I heard the exclamations as they read the back of my shirt. "Mother of eight! My word!" One half marathoner told me later that I was famous among them. Another told me, "I heard about you." Still another, later on in the race, told me that after I'd gone by, she couldn't decide if I was crazy or amazing. We were in the last few miles by that point, and I told her I couldn't figure that out myself.

The pain was still present, but not enough to keep me from running. After I passed the half-marathoners, we turned onto a dirt running trail for three and a half miles that overlooked the Warm River.

There were wildflowers along the path. The sun glistening along the river below brightened my spirits. Best of all, I could run!

The next four miles were just fabulous. I figured as long as the pain wasn't too bad, and I was able to do it, I would just keep running. I took no breaks and just ran and ran and ran, all the while being passed by the pack of half-marathoners (remember, I’m a slow runner!). It felt amazing. I felt strong and healthy, and I told myself, "THIS is what I've trained for, and THIS is how I want to run all of my next marathon." I figured every mile I got through was another one I wouldn't have to walk, and that felt great.

I felt as though I could go on forever, and I didn't take a walk break until I was nearly at the end of the dirt path. We passed a campground, along with mile marker 17, and headed into the hardest part of the course -- a two-mile hill that curved around and up to the farmlands that would make up the rest of the run. It was starting to get hot, but most of the hill was shaded by trees. It seemed to last forever and I ran a lot of the first part of it, but then decided that with eight or nine miles still to go, I should conserve my strength. I enjoyed talking to some of the other people walking the hill and cheering on the runners who passed us. At mile 18, I still felt strong and great and anxious to tackle the last eight miles. Mile 19 saw the end of most of the hills, though there were a few more in the rolling farmlands we followed the rest of the way.

About this point, the heat started to bother all of us. I heard from an EMT at mile 22 that it was already 83 degrees, and that was before 11:00. Usually the weather is much cooler at this time of year, but the day before had reached 96, so the heat was to be expected. Most of the earlier miles had lots of shade, but now we were in open farmland with none. Still, it was beautiful to see the wheat and potato fields and the aid stations were manned by friendly townspeople, some of them with sprinklers!

I dropped cups of water on my head every chance I got and it seemed that every time the heat really started to bother me, there'd be a nice kid with a sprinkler ready to spray us off or an aid station with cups of water at hand. My husband drove by once just in time with a water bottle I poured on myself.

While at mile 18, I felt on top of the world and stronger than ever before, by mile 20, I began to feel the effects of the long run. I started to understand better why a couple of the runners wore shirts that said "A marathon is a 10K with a 20-mile warm-up." My legs felt like jello and I felt like I was moving through mud. I was slowing down -- I knew I was going pretty slow when a half-marathoner passed me while I was running, and she was walking! Still, I felt fabulous and on top of the world. In my mind, the race was already won and the miles between me and the finish were just details. I passed or was passed by a couple of people who had hit the wall and the discouragement on their faces was evident. I tried to cheer them up and remind them how close we were, or when that didn't work, distract them with conversation if they wanted to talk.
Every mile that brought me closer to the finish line felt wonderful and I cheered at every mile marker (earning me some smiles from my fellow runners). My knee and hip bothered me more and more, but so did every other part of my body. Still, it was awesome to move closer and closer to the finish line. Mile 21, with just five miles to go, was great. Mile 23 was even better, though by then the mile markers seemed to stretch further and further apart.

With three miles to go, I mentally ran my regular three mile training route in my head, trying to judge where I was by comparing the distances. "Just to the river path and the foot bridge will be another half mile. Then another half mile to the road, another half mile to the bridge, across the river and then I'm turned back heading for home!" I found that when I tried to estimate the miles this way, I underestimated how much distance I'd covered and mile 24 appeared out of nowhere.

Mile 25 took a lot longer to appear, and that last mile was the longest of the run. My hip was bothering me a lot, but I fell into place beside a half-marathoner who was using telephone poles to push herself -- run to one pole, then walk to the next. I figured I could handle that, and we enjoyed a brief conversation. With a quarter mile or so to go, I left my run-walk friend and tried to run as much as I could. There were many finishers walking along the main street by now, some of them enjoying their free huckleberry shakes. "The finish line is just around the corner," they called out, but I couldn't see the corner, nor even judge how far the finish line might be from it. It felt like it might never arrive. But the corner did finally appear, and I ran around it with a huge smile on my face.

I crossed the finish line feeling great. I wore my medal proudly and celebrated for a few moments with my husband (Joey was watching Katie at the hotel). They had fruit and pizza there, and I felt as though I could eat three or four full pizzas and still not be satisfied. I settled for three or four slices. My jacket was waiting for me, along with things the other runners had dropped at the aid stations (no buying throw-away clothes for this race -- we were spoiled!). After just a few minutes of standing around, it was torture to move again, but DH had walked the mile from our hotel and I knew it was good for my legs to walk that distance to prevent cramping.
It took me over six and a half hours to finish, but considering I'm slow to begin with, I'm 15 weeks pregnant, I'm still 25 lbs overweight (can't safely lose that until after the baby's born!), and that I was running injured, I'm so thrilled and proud. The best part is that I know that next time, it should be a piece of cake to beat that time, and there won't be any pressure.

And about that next marathon? I know many first-time marathoners have such a poor experience that they vow right after the race never to run again. I didn't feel any of that. I loved almost all of the race. The middle part, when I was convinced I'd be walking, was the worst. Being able to run and run and run after that point, from miles 13 to 17, were the best. And the last six miles, when I was so tired and my entire body begged me to stop, were the most rewarding. I'll certainly be back, and I hope that I get to run the Mesa Falls one again. The course was lovely, the volunteers were wonderful, the aid stations full of wonderful goodies, and I'm so grateful for farmers and their families for their sprinklers! It was a wonderful experience and I loved it.

I'm a marathoner now.
I'm going to savor that title for a little while.

For fellow Harry Potter Fans (Favorites Friday)

2011-09-02T09:50:00.003-06:00

This one's worth watching all the way to the end. Two or three times if you've got kids who like Harry Potter too. Enjoy!

Q&A Thursday: School Schedule

2011-09-01T09:10:00.001-06:00

From Laura:

Now, have you had a chance to get your school schedule figured out?

Yes, and it goes something like this on weekdays:

6:30 - wake up the little girls (Allison, Sarah, Eliza and Harmony who share a room) and the boys (Joey and Michael) and have them get started on cleaning their room. If they are done with the rooms by 6:45 (it's happened only a couple times so far), they get a privilege card.

6:45 - wake up Lillian (whose room is always clean) and have scriptures. We don't wake up Katie if she'll stay asleep, but she almost always wakes up. For over a year, we've had a basic format of reading. One of us reads between 5 and 15 verses, then we discuss what's going on, explaining it to the younger kids. Finally, we ask questions like, "What can we learn from this?" or "How does this apply to us?" We've gotten some pretty profound answers at times, though the most common answer is Eliza's. Nearly every day, she raises her hand and says, "To follow Jesus Christ!" We also get "to not be wicked" and "to be good." We're getting there!

After scriptures, we set a timer and everyone cleans the family room and nearby toy area for five minutes. We call it five minute madness and an amazing amount of work gets done in a short period of time.

7:00 - 8:00 - The kids clean their rooms and then eat breakfast (no breakfast until rooms are clean!). I shower and dress and then do the little girls' hair. Breakfast is cereal and toast on school days, things the kids can do themselves. The kids check the school lunch calendar and pack their own lunch if they don't like what the school is serving. Lillian practices the violin and piano. I'm spoiled because she never needs reminding. Starting in a few weeks, she'll have orchestra before school twice a week.

Around 8:00 -- The five school kids do five minutes of kitchen clean up, then leave for school.

Mornings: This is my best work time. I get the kitchen clean first thing, often listening to something interesting or educational while I work, then it's on to the other tasks. On Mondays and Thursdays, the kids bring their dirty clothes to the laundry room when they clean their room and I get started on sorting those piles right away. I keep up moving the loads through all day, and sometime in the evening (or the next day, depending on what's going on), I'll sit down and fold them. I have a family room right next to the laundry where I can sit down on the couch and fold. I play the laundry folding by ear, and since it's a relaxing chore, I don't do it in the mornings when I need the energy for other tasks.

Katie takes a morning nap and Harmony and Eliza are getting along wonderfully this year, so they are mostly playing nicely while I'm working in the mornings (at least so far -- those things can change quickly!). I'll take them outside to ride bikes or play in the backyard a couple of times, and they're always happy to go on errands with me.

I've got my work scheduled out for the week as follows:
Mondays -- Go through my in-box of papers and handle all of them, respond to all the emails I've flagged, and plan my errands for the week. Stay home as much as possible this day. Keep the laundry moving through.
Tuesdays -- Harmony and Eliza will be doing a playgroup with some other preschoolers in the neighborhood. When it's my turn, I'll get out the playdough or crafty stuff, otherwise, this is going to be my "spoiling me by setting aside time to write" day. I really want to have more time for this blog and a few other writing projects.
Wednesdays -- This is my kitchen day. I'll be making bread, cleaning out the fridge, finalizing a grocery list for Thursday, prepping a crockpot meal, and mopping the floors. A neighbor, Keli Erickson, suggested once that she wipes out her fridge every week just before prepping her grocery list and menu. It keeps the fridge job from getting overwhelming and it helps her visually see what they are needing to buy. I'm adopting her tip. The last two weeks, it's worked well, and I've been able to plan meals around the stuff in my fridge I've forgotten was there.
Thursdays -- This is my lighter wash day (if there is such a thing in a family of ten!), and I get that going as soon as I can. This is also errand and library day. I'll be going to storytime with the little girls and to the grocery store.
Fridays -- Once a month, I host a mother's group at our house. The rest of the days, I'm going to focus on getting the outside work done (weeding, lawn-mowing, etc) until it gets cold, and then it's going to be a project day -- tackling those messy storage areas, the pictures on the wall I really need to update, the home repairs, etc.

11:30 or 12:00 -- Lunch with the little girls.

Afternoons: Katie also takes an afternoon nap. Two days a week, Harmony and Eliza are going to be doing an afternoon preschool together. On those days, DH has arranged to work from home during that time so I can get in a couple of runs (I'll also do one run on Saturdays). The other three days, it will be quiet time.

between 3 and 4: Kids home from school. Homework is always done first and while I'm helping, I try to handle any urgent field trip forms or other misc. stuff from school. Anything non-urgent goes into my in-box to deal with on Mondays. One day a week, Lillian and Michael have piano lessons. Another day, we have horseback riding lessons from 4 to 6, with two kids going for the first hour and then two others for the last hour. The oldest six take lessons and love it (I do, too, and our gal is really inexpensive -- if you're in our area and interested, I'll pass along her name and number). Other than those two things, and Scouts for Joey one afternoon, afternoons are pretty free. The kids play outside or with friends.

Around 5:00: Afternoon zones. Lillian makes dinner once a week and is in charge of setting the table and prepping a fruit and veggie the other days. Joey is in charge of cleaning the front room and the great room. Michael will tackle the mudroom, and Allison and Sarah will empty the dishwashers (yes, we have two!). I'll be finishing up dinner most days. It's amazing how orderly our house stays with each child doing just a simple job.

5:30 or 6:00: Dinner

Dinner Clean-up: The oldest five do five minutes of clean-up, then each one of them has one (Michael, Allison, and Sarah) or two days (Lillian and Joey) a week to do the final kitchen clean-up.

Evenings: Mondays are Family Home Evening nights, one night is Scouts for Michael and Young Women's for Lillian, another night is Scouts for DH (he's with the 11-year-olds and will be Joey's scout leader come October) We're going to move date nights to an earlier night in the week so that Fridays can be a family fun night.

7:30ish: The younger girls go to bed. We read to them most nights. If my husband or I are busy with other things, the older kids are pretty willing to fill in. All the girls love to look at piles and piles of books on their own until they fall asleep.
8:00ish: Joey and Michael go to bed.
Whenever: Lillian goes to bed. She's really good about getting to bed when she needs to, so we don't have a set time for her.

Saturdays will be our family work days in the mornings, free time or family activities in the afternoons

I did it!

2011-08-28T23:15:00.005-06:00

I ran my first marathon on Saturday. Mesa Falls, in Ashton, Idaho. I did it 15 weeks pregnant, with an injured leg, and with a smile on my face. All 26.2 miles of it.

See that medal around my neck?

I earned it!

(And did you notice my cute baby bump?)

More details to come, but suffice it to say I feel incredibly blessed that despite a big slow-down because of my right knee and hip, I was able to run! And I loved it! Thank you for all of your support and encouragement.

And they're off! (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-08-24T08:14:00.001-06:00

One in seventh, one in fifth, one in fourth, two in second (in separate classes this year!), and one seriously jealous almost-five-year-old (not pictured).

Worried

2011-08-23T09:23:00.006-06:00

My marathon is on Saturday. As in, just four days away! I'm nervous and excited, sure, but mostly worried. My last three long runs have not gone well, and there is something wrong with my knee. On August 13th, I ran the Provo River Trail Half, and at mile three, the knee started to throb again. It felt like a repeat of the Utah Valley Half, as I had to adjust my goals and work on just doing the best I could to manage the throbbing (only this time the pain was in my right knee instead of the left!). I pushed through the pain and finished only five minutes behind my time in June.

(excuse the fuzzy phone picture -- but don't I look great for 14 weeks along?)

I was hoping the knee would heal and I'd be fine for the Hobble Creek Half last week (since I'm tapering for the marathon, I only ran 8 miles of it, then walked the last 5), but right on schedule, at mile three, despite the knee brace I was wearing, I had the same pain. This is not good!

On the bright side, after Saturday's 26.2 miles, I can take a long rest from running and let myself heal. On the down side, that's still 26.2 more miles of running I've got to get through, and I'm worried about handling the pain if/when it happens again. It's so discouraging to feel strong and ready to run, and then be required to take walk breaks not to keep my heart-rate down or my breathing steady, but because of some dumb knee pain!

I saw a physical therapist yesterday who gave me some hope. He worked my knee thoroughly, says the pain is caused by swelling in the joints and the muscles (so nothing's broken, thank goodness!), showed me how my right IT band is much tighter than my left and assured me there is time to work on that before Saturday's run. After twisting my feet and legs this way and that and having me show him when and where it hurt, he said it's likely I'm over-pronating when I run, which means my feet turn to the inside, causing extra stress on the knees and building up as swelling and pain in those muscles. A runner himself who works with runners, he said it's too late to change my stride by Saturday, but that I should consider shoe inserts in the future.

I feel much more hopeful after yesterday's session and I'm working on the stretches he's given me, but still . . . Saturday is only a few days away! Pray for me, okay?

(Another bright note: after Saturday's run, however it goes, I'll have run over 500 miles this year, 250 of which have been since I've been pregnant. I've also completed the equivalent of a half marathon or more ten times, nine of those since I've been pregnant. I'm proud of myself for seeing this through.)

The Decision -- Free Download (Friday Favorites)

2011-08-19T09:28:00.004-06:00

It's finished! You may have remembered last fall, I encouraged a $1 donation towards a friend's media project animating a story that teaches children what to do if they come across "adult" material.

Well, the project has been completed and is very well done -- it would make a great teaching tool for your family, AND right now, there is a free download coupon for the first 100 people to download it. Hurry and get your free copy now (coupon code is DECISION-FREE-100 ), and pass the word along.

If you miss the free copy, don't worry. The price to download the video is only $1. I think most budgets can handle that.

Download the video today!

Q&A Thursday: Baby Questions

2011-08-11T08:34:00.004-06:00

Was this a surprise?

Honestly, I really, really felt we'd have a little more time between Katie and her next sibling. Otherwise, I wouldn't have signed up for another half marathon in August and a full marathon October 1st. I thought I'd have plenty of time to finish out my weight loss and fitness goals and figured sometime next summer our next one would be born.

But at the same time, it wasn't a total surprise. At the start of my goals earlier this year, I had prayed sincerely about whether now might be a good time to take a break from child-bearing for a short time and felt the distinct "no" answer. So we weren't doing anything to prevent a baby from coming, and it wasn't a shock when I found those double lines on that pregnancy test.

Were you disappointed at all?

Actually, I was, for a few hours. I had worked so hard at getting my fitness in order and was having so much success. I'd run a half marathon and was shooting for a full. It was so satisfying to see my weekly mileage go up while the scale inched down every week. I'd lost 35 lbs and was on track to lose the last 25, and at first, I really thought I'd have to give up the marathon goal for sure. That was disappointing.

But it didn't last long. If ever I wondered if children are a blessing, all I have to do is look at any one of my kids and think about how much I love them. And really, there would be other races and more time later to finish out my weight loss goals, while the time I have for child-bearing is relatively short. As I continued to ponder and pray about the news, I laughed at myself. The whole point of working to get myself in shape was so that I could better handle the challenges of pregnancy and my life as a mother. And I'd been so blessed in those goals! How could I get to the point where I'd think they were more important than the reason I was doing them in the first place? There'd always be another marathon, while THIS was the time for this baby to be born.

And as time passed, I started feeling more blessed in the timing of this. If I had known I would be pregnant, I wouldn't have signed up for those races and would probably have given up running when the morning sickness hit. Something to think about other than the nausea and exhaustion really helped me through my worst weeks, and the looming specter of those upcoming events has forced me out the door when I'd rather roll over and go back to sleep.

And I'm excited to have a baby in February, when life is calmer and not much is happening. We have a six-month time frame from October 30th to April 27th where we've never had a baby. I think something exciting and joyous right in the midst of winter sounds wonderful, and by the time I'm up to getting back into life and running, the weather will be perfect for it. If I had a baby next summer, I probably wouldn't be up for running any races next year. Having one in February means I could sign up for all sorts of things to help me get back into shape.

How far apart will Katie and this baby be?

They'll be 21 months, the same spacing we have between Eliza and Harmony and Harmony and Katie. See this post for the spacing between all of our kids.

Do you feel ready to have another baby?

Of course not. But what does that have to do with it? If we always felt ready for the next challenge, there wouldn't be any need for faith.

I have felt reassurance that this baby is part of God's plan for our family, and knowing that I'm doing His will is enough for me. I trust that He'll give me the strength and help He always has in the past. And really, can nine kids really be much different than eight?

How are you feeling?

Not wonderful. I tend to have a honeymoon period at the beginning of every pregnancy, a few weeks of bliss before the morning sickness hits. Then the morning sickness lasts until around week 18, though I start to feel better around week 15. I felt more tired in June, and a slight bit of nausea, but it was mostly a minor annoyance. Then July came, along with the seven-week mark, and the morning sickness hit me like a truck. There were a couple of horrible weeks in there where I barely held on (I was so miserable I even interrupted my friend’s family vacation asking for a pep talk). I took Zofran for a week and it seemed to help really well for the first few days and then did nothing more than take the edge off (the same thing happened the last pregnancy).

On the brighter side, I haven't found the morning sickness to be as debilitating as in the past (maybe because I'm in better shape?), and after a few miserable weeks, it has gotten better, showing up mostly in the afternoons and evenings. I go to bed early (between 8 and 9), and don't really do much after dinner anymore.

So why didn't you give up the idea of a marathon once you found out you were pregnant? Isn't that pretty risky to keep running at such an extreme level?

I've been willing all the way along to do what I need to do to keep this baby safe. If that meant giving up the marathon for now, I'd do it. However, after praying and seeking a priesthood blessing, I have simply felt that I should continue. I've tried to be very in tune with what my body needs and I have made adaptations to my running and I've been very prayerful all the way along.

One big reason I've continued with the running is that I quickly realized that most of my training for a marathon was behind me. During the first five months of this year, I had gone from running taking everything I had (and being a miserable chore) to being an enjoyable part of my life. I'd gone from being able to run for only about 30 minutes straight to being able to maintain that for three hours. I'd gotten to where I could easily carry on a conversation even throughout a long run. Compared to that, adding some more mileage and a bit more time could hardly be more strenuous.

I've done a lot of reading and research and from what I understand and have talked over with my doctor, the two biggest risks to the baby are dehydration and if my body's core temperature rises too high. I carry water with me even on my short runs and I plan my long runs around places to refill my water bottles.

The overheating can occur if I push myself too hard with the training or if I run in the heat of the day. I've modified my training so I take more walk breaks and if I ever feel I'm struggling to catch my breath, I slow down. I've seen my runs go from consistently in the 12-minute mile range to inching now toward 14 minute miles. And while I wish I was faster, I'm glad my body can still run while protecting this little one.

As for the heat of the day, I do all my running in the early morning, and one reason I chose the Mesa Falls marathon is that they have an early start option (at 5:00 a.m.!) so I can finish before the day warms up too much. The other reason for the Mesa Falls is that I'll be 15 weeks along for that one instead of 20 weeks for the St. George. My doctor feels much better about that timing, and she's comfortable with the training I'm doing.

Any thoughts on if it's a boy or girl?

Nope. No clue. I'd be happy either way. It would be nice to have a girl to even out our numbers a bit -- I'd rather have six little girls in a row rather than five and always have an odd one out when we pair up -- but it would be nice to have a little boy again after so many years of girls. Lillian wants a boy, as does Michael, but Joey says he'd be happy with either one (though he blames all these babies for the fact that I won't let him have a BB gun -- want to explain to him I wouldn't let him have one anyway?). The rest of the girls are evenly divided or have no clue that anything is happening.

An exchange on Facebook

2011-08-09T12:01:00.007-06:00

My friend Laura asked me some great questions on Facebook yesterday about how I'm managing my life right now. Here's the conversation:

Laura: How in the heck can you be training for a marathon? When you're 12 weeks?? When you've had 8 kids already??? Seriously, I'm amazed! Aren't you exhausted? Sick? Drowning in laundry? Falling apart physically? So I need you to post me your daily schedule. Cuz there's no way I could keep up with you and all the housework/cooking/shopping you have to do, let alone the time it must take to run 21 miles in a day!

Me: Laura, really, it's not THAT impressive. Yes, I'm exhausted and sick, but keeping up with the running has been really good therapy for handling it, and I haven't been as flattened by this pregnancy as I have been by some of my others. And training for a marathon involves four running days a week -- three days of 40-60 minutes and then one "long" day [I should point out that this is a beginner program; there are lots of marathon programs that are much more intense]. I'm fitting in the three days here and there -- I try to get up at 6 but if I don't, I get out at 7 or 8. The long run either happens on Saturday morning (we moved all our usual Saturday jobs to Friday so I could do that) or another day on weeks when my husband's busy on Saturday. I often get up as early as 4 for those, because I'm SO slow it takes forever to get through those. Luckily, my nausea hits me the hardest in the afternoon and evenings, so I can still function in the mornings, and I have yet to feel any nausea WHILE I'm running (that's a blessing!).

After doing research and talking to my doctor, I HAVE had to adjust my goals with the running. I have to take precautions not to get dehydrated, so I carry water even on my short runs. The other risk is overheating from running in the heat (so I go in the early hours and I chose a marathon that will let me start early) or overheating from training too hard. I thought I was slow before, but I'm WAY slower now and I take walk breaks for a minute twice every mile so that I don't get my heartrate up too high.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was willing to give it up if necessary, but I've just felt like this is something I need to finish out. It has been hard to feel like going out for a run, especially in July when the morning sickness was the worst, but pushing through it has been good for me.

As for daily schedule, we're doing rotating team chores this summer. Myself plus Lillian (12) and Joey (11) each have a partner in Michael (9), Allison or Sarah (7). Each team cleans up after one meal, prepares one meal, has an afternoon zone to clean up, and does one section of the family work day jobs on Fridays (all the bathrooms and the trash, the upstairs jobs, or the downstairs jobs). Everyone pitches in for five minutes after a meal and to clean the downstairs after scriptures in the morning. We also do outside jobs on Mondays and Wednesdays. I still do all the laundry, but I only do that twice a week (wash all one day, fold it the next). As for fun, we try to go swimming on Monday and Wednesday afternoons, do the dollar movies on Tuesday mornings, and have horseback riding on Thursday mornings, so I'm not a TOTAL slave-driver. We also have quiet times most afternoons from 1 to 3, where the little ones and myself nap and everyone else watches a movie.

Laura: Um, yeah! Totally impressive! I can't manage now, and I have 1 less kid, and am not all sick and tired. I know you've gotta be busy, but can you give me an even more detailed description of how you manage daily? Including the times you wake up, eat meals, start preparing meals, daily routines/chores, and bedtimes? How do you manage getting all your wash done in one day? I try to do at least 2-3 loads every week day, and another 1-2 on Sat (to make sure we have everything washed in time for church). Do you have 2 washers and dryers?

Me: Laura, you caught me. We do have two sets of washer/dryers. It speeds it up a lot, plus they both have huge capacity. We have a bit of an unusual house -- ALL our bedrooms (including the master) are in our walk-out basement, and our laundry room is down there too.

Laura: Lucky! My laundry room is in the basement, but only 2 bedrooms are down there, and everything I do is on the main level. How I wish I had a laundry room right off my kitchen! And I would LOVE to have 2 sets of washers and dryers. That has to help speed things along! I would LOVE to learn more about how you have your daily life set up. Times for everything, summer and school year, and also how you manage to feed everyone. I'm just so amazed by how well you handle it all!

Me: I hesitate to post our daily schedule because it's going to change again next week when school starts (still working out exactly how), but here's a rough outline:

7ish: wake up, scriptures, 5 minutes of clean-up in our downstairs family room and toy area, then bedrooms cleaned before breakfast (One team is in charge of inspecting)

8ish: breakfast gets finished, everyone is supposed to help clean it for five minutes, then morning chores. Lillian is really good about practicing her violin and piano and I'm not so good at remembering to hound Michael to practice his piano. Monday mornings, we are supposed to weed the garden then work out in our forested backyard for an hour or so. Wednesdays, each team has a weeding zone. Fridays, each team does a section of the house for Family Work Day. The other days, there aren't really any a.m. chores other than practicing. Tuesdays we do the movies in the morning and Thursdays is horseback riding. Otherwise, it's free time until lunch.

11:30ish: One team makes lunch. If it's my team or Joey's team, we have lots of sandwiches and fruit. If it's Lillian's team, she does more elaborate things like pasta. We eat, do five minutes in the kitchen, then one team cleans up the rest of the kitchen.

1-3ish: Most days, this is quiet time. For a good part of the summer, DH worked from home during this time on Mondays and Wednesdays, so I could put the babies down for a nap and then take the others swimming. On days he couldn't be home, I'd take them all a little later in the day.

3-4:30ish: free time again.

4:30-6ish: afternoon zones (one team has mudroom and outside toys clean-up -- otherwise those bikes and racers would be out all the time -- one team has empty dishwashers, set the table and make dinner, and the last team has the great room and the front room clean-up). If it's Joey's team with the dinner, I help a lot. If it's Lillian's team, she loves to cook and does a great job. If it's my team, I scrounge around for something.

6-7ish: 5 minutes in the kitchen after dinner, then one team cleans up the rest. We mostly just hang out in the evenings after this. Wednesdays is Scouts (DH is scoutmaster), Thursdays is YWs, Mondays is FHE.

7-8ish: we put most of the kids to bed. Sometimes we have to sit in the little girls' room so they will actually sleep; other times we give up and let them party until they finally crash.

I'll let you know our school year schedule when I figure it out -- it's always a work in progress.

And while it sounds like our house is regimented, we are really quite flexible. Sometimes we sleep in, sometimes we let the kids pass on the five minutes (particularly after lunch when the kitchen is pretty clean), sometimes we skip swimming, and sometimes I pick up pizza at Little Ceasars because I don't want to deal with dinner. Two things I don't let slide are the afternoon zones (otherwise our house would be a disaster) and the final end-of-the-day kitchen clean.

Laura: That's awesome! Mine is somewhat similar, but I don't have myself teamed up, or anyone really for that matter. My kids tend to fight too much when teamed. But maybe I'll try it again and see how they do. The inspecting part is the hardest for me to get around to. I like the idea of teams inspecting everything. My biggest problem is getting my kids to actually do their chores. If they woudl just do it, they would have so much free time. But they waste the whole day. I also like the teams for meal times too. So do you team yourself with the youngest helper, or do you match according to ability, or how well they get along? I'm currently trying to put together my school year asd well. Football just started for my 3rd, so from 5:30-8:30 he and Greg are gone every night, that messes up dinner time a lot since greg doesn't always get home early enough to eat with us. I also have to add in piano, car pool every afternoon, and of course scouts, activity days, and mutual. At least mutual and the older scouts meet at 7; the other stuff is later afternoon, and I have a hard time managing meals when those things come up. DO you start dinner early afternoons typically, get it all fixed in the morning? Are do it all right before you eat?

Me: My kids waste their time too, and sometimes spend HOURS in their room "cleaning" it. But they do pretty well. The teams rotated every month, then had different assignments every week. So one month, I was with Michael, then with Allison and now with Sarah. It's been good because I know the jobs will be done thoroughly (by me!) at least once every three weeks, and I've had the concentrated time with each of my younger team members to actually teach them how to do all of the jobs.

Laura: I am trying to adjust to no big chores on Sat too. Especially hard when we have team games. It seems there's almost always someone playing something sometime. Growing up we always spent all day doing chores: weeding, laundry, bathrooms, dusting, etc. I'm realizing my fam wont be able to follow the fam model I had growing up since my fam wasn't as involved in sports and such. I love how you do fun things with your kids a couple of times a week. I need to do that more. Maybe they'd have more of an incentive to get their work done?

Me: We don't play a lot of sports, so I'm sure that cuts down on some of the stress here. And during the school year, we don't do as many fun events together, though we do try to get away on a trip for fall break and then again in January or February to escape the winter for a week.

And I think this fall we'll have to move back to having our main chores on Saturday mornings again, though I might have them do a few extra chores on Friday afternoons to make it go faster.

Laura: So when you talk about an afternoon zone, is that a specific area or just you do the same area again in the afternoon? Are you getting up earlier than 7 so that you're already showered and dressed? Do you include bedrooms in the team zones? When you do your zones every day, do you add a little extra deep cleaning job (like windows one day, get fingerprints off the walls the next day, dusting the next, etc), or do you save those for your deep cleaning day? Do you include different areas like the garage, laundry room, storage areas in your regular zones? How do you group each area together to make a zone?

Me: The zones are a specific area: one team has had great room and front room, another preps dinner, empties dishwashers, and sets the table and the last team straightens the mudroom and puts away the outside toys. We do that every afternoon. During the school year, we usually have had just one kid assigned to a single zone. The twins emptied the dishwashers -- we have two of those too --, Michael did the mudroom, Joey did the great room and Lillian did the family office this past year.

The bedrooms are not team jobs except that Joey and Michael share and we have four little girls in one large room, so they all work together to clean up their own rooms (though mostly it's Allison and Sarah with a bit of Eliza's help).

Mostly the daily stuff is just picking up. I mop once a week and clean the kitchen every day after kids leave for school during the school year, but all the major cleaning gets done on Family Work Day (Saturdays until this summer, Fridays this summer).

I don't get up before the kids unless I'm running. Usually, I'll shower while the kids are cleaning their bedrooms. Once the bedrooms are done and they're heading upstairs for breakfast, I'll do the little girls' hair and then head up and eat breakfast myself.

My next long run . . .

2011-08-07T08:33:00.007-06:00

has been in progress all summer long:

I even designed a race shirt around it (though the price to order the shirt was so expensive, I think I'll be pulling out the Sharpies instead):

We're excited.

And yes, I am still hoping to successfully complete THIS long run as well:

I WAS excited about that one too, at least until my 21-miler on Friday. Now, I'm wondering whose brilliant idea it was to make marathons 26.2 miles? And whose brilliant idea was it to sign up for one?

Daddy Trip Highlights (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-08-03T12:06:00.009-06:00

Daddy Trip this year included Joey, Michael, Allison, Sarah, Eliza, and their dad, of course. Ten days of adventure including plenty of camping, bug-hunting, cave-exploring, and scenery-enjoying. They traveled through Reno, Nevada, into California where they saw Lassen Volcanic National Park, Lava Beds National Monument, and Mount Shasta. The trip then took them through Oregon to Crater Lake, Eugene, then over to the coast for Sea Lion Cave and beach-combing. Final loop went down through northern California again, the Redwoods, and Sacramento.

Fourth of July Weekend (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-07-20T15:18:00.004-06:00

I know; I'm a bit behind. We had a great time, though, with fireworks, Colonial Days, a birthday party for Allison and Sarah, and the Freedom Run.

(Lillian & Joey's first 5K, my second)

Monday Musings, Post #2

2011-07-18T11:10:00.008-06:00

* Summer is always crazy-busy with 8 kids. We've had great times swimming, playing, and enjoying life. One night, I took a bunch of the kids over to a nearby school where we played baseball. I assumed that Allison, Sarah, Eliza, and Harmony were too young to play and that I'd be playing with just Joey and Michael, but the little girls joined us and had a great time. Joey threw very gentle pitches, I helped the youngest ones hit the ball, and they loved running around the bases. Allison and Sarah even learned to hit the ball on their own. It was a fun night (at least until the mosquitoes came out).

* In general, our rotating work plans are going well. Michael was my partner for the month of June and it was good training time to make sure he knew how to thoroughly do each job as we worked together. We rotated through each week's assignments, and it's nice for me to know that at least once in those three weeks, the jobs will be done right (by me!), though Lillian and Joey are pretty good. Allison is my partner this month, and I'm enjoying the side-by-side time with her.

* I cleaned out my closet last week. It was surprising to me, that even with 25 lbs left to lose, I fit into things I never thought I would, including some cute things from my before-kids teaching days. I even fit into this dress from my engagement days:

There's still no way I'd fit into my wedding dress or my jeans from those days, but it felt great to be trying on things I'd saved for years hoping to finally lose the extra weight.

I gave tons of stuff away. I was surprised to find that many of the clothes I’d kept because I thought they’d look good on me if I was a bit skinnier still didn’t look good on me. =P I was pretty ruthless, deciding that I wasn’t going to keep anything that didn’t flatter as well as fit. I gave away probably 2/3rds of my closet (much of it because it was too big!), and organized everything else. It’s a great feeling to walk into my closet and know that everything in the drawers and on the hangers not only fits me, but looks good on me.

I'm taking a break from the weight loss right now as I finish training for the marathon, and I just might be gaining a lot of baby weight this fall and winter, so it was nice to have some closure for now for my weight loss goals.

* I ran 18 miles on Saturday -- 18 miles! Some training programs have an 18 mile run as the longest run before the marathon. Most go to 20. I want to run a 20 and then a 23 before my marathon, but I know that if I had to, I could at this point finish a marathon. It would be painful those last 8 miles, but I could do it. There's something so satisfying in that knowledge.

* I'm thinking of signing up for an earlier marathon in addition to (or instead of) St. George. The Mesa Falls Marathon in Ashton, Idaho, is calling my name -- a small town in Eastern Idaho, lovely forested route partially on a dirt road, views of an amazing waterfall near Yellowstone, following an old rail line above the Warm River, lonely roads passing fields of wheat and potatoes, a small crowd of only about 500 runners, a free huckleberry shake at the end -- there's something so satisfyingly homey about it. My roots are in Eastern Idaho, even if I did grow up in Boise. I'd easily be ready by August 27th, and I keep looking at the photos of the route and wanting to be there.

* My favorite time of year is upon me -- my awesome incredible husband is off gallivanting the country with five of the kids (Joey through Eliza), while I'm home with Lillian, Harmony and Katie. Lillian goes to girls camp this week and then I'll just have two at home. It has been heavenly to have the concentrated time to catch up on projects without being interrupted (like cleaning out my closet!). No one's whined or complained, there's been no battles about chores, and I don't think there's been a single argument. I love this time to catch my breath and enjoy the quiet. In the meantime, DH and kids are enjoying Lassen Volcanic National Park in California, Crater Lake in Oregon, the Oregon Coast and the California Redwoods. My husband spends months planning every detail of these trips, from menus to venues. They pull a tent trailer and do a lot of camping, they bring along bug cages so they can thoroughly examine all the critters they catch, and they earn Junior Ranger badges at every National Park and Monument.

* I have wonderful neighbors. Just wonderful. I couldn't have asked for better ones, from woman in her 70s who patiently takes care of her three-year-old grandchild (and whose husband invites Joey fishing), to the one who always tells me I'm doing a good job (even when I don't think I am), to the moms I can depend on for eggs or help with children. Last Saturday, Harmony woke up and panicked when she couldn't find me. Instead of waking Lillian, who was in charge, she snuck out the back door, ran around front, and came down the driveway crying, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" My sweet older neighbor across the street found her and helped her back inside. This is the same neighbor who keeps a stash of suckers and cookies in a cupboard for when my kids drop by, sometimes daily, for a snack.

This morning, I had a short discussion with another neighbor who shared an experience she had when pregnant with her fifth child where she felt profoundly that she would never be more beautiful that at that point -- doing what she should with her life, filling the measure of her creation, and giving life to another soul. It was moving to hear her.

* I just re-read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and I can't wait to discuss it with my book club on Wednesday -- this time around what struck me most was the level of control that Amy Chua thinks is her right to exercise over her kids. The culminating battle in the book wasn't actually about the violin; it was about forcing her 13-year-old to eat one bite of caviar. Other things that stand out: * when Amy is growing up and receives second place at a school awards night and her father says, "Don't ever shame me again."; * how snobbish Amy is; * how the "Chinese mother" lifestyle Amy claims to be following would be impossible without the gobs of money she and her husband have and spend; * how Amy's life is so unbalanced and unhappy and how she completely missed the boat on the purpose of life -- she can't even find one day to let her mother-in-law enjoy her grandkids? * how RIGHT Amy is about Western parenting in some ways, such as our excessive worry about self-esteem, and our pampered kids who get praised for mediocre work. * how RIGHT Amy is about the value of hard work.

* On those lines, I am fascinated with this letter, written by Amy's daughter about how much she learned from and loves her mom. But I'm also incredibly skeptical about its genuineness, since in the book, Amy constantly hovers and forces her daughters to re-do anything she doesn't think is perfect, from tributes written at Grandma's funeral service to birthday cards. I wonder if Sophia had some "help" finding just the right words for this.

* If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you really need to read the book. Even just to solidify your own beliefs and ideas about parenting. It's a quick read and it's guaranteed to make you think.

Life is an Endurance Sport (and other lessons learned from running)

2011-07-08T13:20:00.006-06:00

My marathon training is going well so far. My long run last week was a great 16-mile loop that took me up the foothills of my town, where I startled several deer. Being out in the cool morning hours and watching the sun rise are some of the joys of running.

Running has taught me a lot about myself and also some important insights on life and motherhood. Here are a few of the lessons I've learned through this process:

* Most people are capable of much more than they think they are. Since I started running, I've had so many people say to me, "Wow, I could never do that, " or "I can't imagine running ten miles (or twelve or fifteen)." Which makes me laugh because they seem so similar to the comments I've gotten over the years about the size of my family -- "Wow, eight kids! I couldn't do that," "You must be amazing to be able to handle that!" or "I can barely handle my three."

But the truth is, most of us have within us the capacity to run long distances. There might be some few who really are physically incapable, but for the rest of us, given enough time to build up gradually and consistently, the abilities are within us, waiting to be discovered. Those who say, "I couldn't," may not be able to run at that level right now or next week or even next year, but if it was important enough for them to pursue, they could eventually do it. They might not do it as fast or as gracefully or easily as another, but they could do it. After all, look at me! Two years ago I would have said I could never run 1 mile, much less 10, and I've run much further than that now.

Similarly, for years, I've battled the idea that I must be some super-woman just because I have a lot of kids. I didn't decide that since I was naturally gifted with so much patience and mothering skills, I should have a lot of kids. Nope, what patience I have has been built up gradually over time and often through being stretched further than I would have wished. Back when I had three kids, that's about all I could handle, too. But add one (or two kids) at a time, and the skills come, along with the patience and endurance necessary to handle it.

Just like most of us could run if we really wanted to, most women, I believe, have the capacity to do a lot more than they think possible. They may not be able to do it as easily as someone with different natural talents or abilities, but given enough time to build up the skills and habits needed gradually and consistently, it is within our capacities as women to do amazing things. Most of our ancestors raised much larger families than we do today, and they did it with a lot more work involved, too. Those traits are within us, if only we are willing to work to discover them.

Not every woman is able to have a lot of kids, and I understand that circumstances, health considerations, and different answers to prayers mean different choices for other families, but I reject the idea that there are some women who can manage a large family and some who just plain can't.

* Endurance is built one mile and one run at a time. Most people who say "I could never run a marathon" are right about their body's condition at the time they speak. Most of us are struggling just to handle whatever our life's current challenges are.

It's interesting to look at a training schedule for long distances. None of them throw runners, even experienced runners, into running long distances right up front. Instead, they build up mileage gradually over time, and all have a weekly "long run" as the main component. Every week, or every other week, you run a little further than you did the week before.

Similarly, in life, we are stretched a little bit further every time we experience a trial or challenge. Building up strength usually means that the troubles we encounter are a bit harder than the ones we've dealt with in the past and they make us grow in new ways.

*Every run longer than you've done before stretches you to your limit. And that's true whether it's your first two mile run or your first fifteen miler. It can be tough to get through that last mile. It's hard to maintain any kind of smoothness or grace and it's often painful. Similarly, the challenges we are given that stretch us in life can be painful and difficult to work through, and whatever is new challenges us. We struggle to maintain form, we slow down, and we painfully wonder how much longer we can manage.

Many people have heard that "after three kids, it's all the same anyway," and have asked me if that's true. Sorry, folks, as comforting as that thought is, it's not true. It IS true, that after three kids, you start to realize that just as you stretched and grew as you added each one of them, you can probably continue to do it. But still, every baby adds a new element and a new challenge. You are once again sleep-deprived and stretched and wondering how to manage it all.

* It is through stress, breakdown, and then a recovery period that the body strengthens itself. Of all the concepts that running has taught me, this one has intrigued me the most. It felt at times during my long runs that my body was breaking down. That worried me -- wasn't I supposed to be getting stronger? Then I read about the Stress-Recovery principle of running. Each long run actually stresses the muscles to the point of breaking. It feels like your body is breaking down because that is, in fact, what is happening. It's a necessary part of the process. The muscles have to break so they can be rebuilt stronger for the next time.

It is during the rest periods between the long runs that the body adapts to the stress. The muscle fibers rebuild in new ways, stronger than they were before. Both the long runs and the recovery period afterwards are essential to a distance runner's endurance.

I've thought about that a lot as I've considered on the periods in my life when I've encountered trials. Oftentimes, I wonder how this is supposed to help me when I am breaking down! I can't handle the trial with the grace and poise I want, and I wonder how on earth such a thing can be good for me.

But I've wondered since I've started running if I was thinking only of the first component of a trial and not the whole experience. Just as a long run is followed by a period of healing and recovery, I've found that most of my trials are also followed by periods of rest, healing, and joy. The happiness I feel in those restful times is made more poignant because they follow the hard times, and I wonder if our spiritual and emotional muscles aren't rebuilt stronger in those times. I certainly feel more ready to face a challenge when I've had a period of time in which to feel that life is going smoothly, that I'm handling things well, and that I've had sufficient extra time to rest and heal from the last challenge.

* It can be overwhelming to think of the end goal when you're just starting out. When just a few miles is a struggle, it's scary to look at a training schedule and see that in a few short weeks, you'll be running seven miles. Every long run stretches you to your limit and it could be paralyzing to have to think about how many more miles you'll be adding later. My first seven mile run was tough. My legs felt sore and wobbly at the end, and I could barely move for the next few days. To think of adding six more miles to that run to get to the full half-marathon distance at that point seemed impossible.

Usually, it's best to just have faith in the training schedule and just worry about what you have to do today. Worrying about how much further you have to go can keep you from getting the strength to get out for today's run. It reminds me of this talk about the need to pray and focus daily on our "daily bread."

When I had my first three kids in three years, I got a lot of comments from people wondering if I had planned that, if I planned more kids, and in general, "What was I thinking?" I remember one conversation with a curious friend. After assuring her that, yes, I really DID enjoy having kids close in age and yes, I WAS planning on more, she asked me incredulously, "So how many kids do you want?"

"As many as come. Probably more than ten, but if they keep coming this fast, I could have as many as fifteen."

"Wow," she said, "Do you really think you could handle fifteen kids?"

I thought a bit about it and the answer I gave surprised me, "No, I really couldn't. Not with my current talents and abilities. I would go crazy if I was suddenly given fifteen kids tomorrow and expected to handle it. But I do have faith that I will grow in capacity and ability and that by the time all my kids arrive, I'll be able to handle it."

I've thought a lot about it over the years because I look back at my inexperienced self and marvel at how wise I was. It has been more challenging than I ever imagined to grow our family. There have been times when I've wondered if I will ever be enough for what I'm given to do. But I've also seen that like adding on a mile to the long run one week at a time, my back has been strengthened each time the load has seemed a little too much to handle. I find myself lacking and I have to work to figure out solutions. I read and study and work and find myself able to handle that challenge, only to face another one a little later.

And I've found that instead of facing pregnancy, for instance, with the thought of how many more times I'm going to feel this rotten and struggle this much, it's much better to just worry about getting through it THIS time. Similarly, on challenging days, it's easy to think things like, "How in the world am I supposed to teach all these kids responsibility when I can't even get them to clean their room?" It's best not to worry about the global implications of all of today's problems, though it's not always easy to do.

* You learn how to run by running. There's no way of getting around it. If you don't run regularly, you won't build up the endurance and strength needed for running. You can read about running, do lots of swimming or cycling or walking, but if you're not running, you're not strengthening those running muscles. Cross-training might help your heart, but in almost every book I read, it stated that cross-training won't help you run better. The only thing that helps you run better is, well, running. Lance Armstrong decided to run a marathon after retiring from cycling. Despite all those great cycling muscles, it still took a lot of training for him to run his first marathon. He did it in just shy of three hours, but it was so hard that he then said, "Never again." (He's since changed his mind and run more) He was quoted afterwards as saying, "I think I bit off more than I could chew, I thought the marathon would be easier."

You learn to run by running. It's a pretty obvious thing to say, but I think it's true of many things in life. How many of us thought we were prepared for motherhood because we babysat a lot or worked in a preschool? I thought I knew it all because I'd been a popular babysitter, graduated in Family Science, and taught special education. Despite all that, nothing prepared me for the day-in-day-out-never-ending-ness of motherhood. I certainly wasn't prepared for the late nights, the exhaustion, and the frustrations. I somehow thought that because I was going to be a perfect mother, my kids would also be perfect. I'd studied child development so of course, my kids would never throw tantrums in the grocery store, scream, hit me, or leave bite marks up and down their brother's back. Nope, not my kids. They'd be sweet little angels, ready to be molded into amazing individuals. Little did I know who was going to be the one molded!

Luckily, I have learned a lot over the years about motherhood. I know quite a lot about comforting infants, recognizing the difference between a hungry or tired cry, handling tantrums (it's best not to get worked up), and even dealing with biting. I know a lot about the struggles of learning to read, and I have multitudes of tricks for encouraging kids to do things they don't want to do.

I'm even pretty skilled at folding socks. Last year at a baby shower, there was a sock-matching and folding contest and I won it. What a victory!

(One thing I still haven't figured out how to do well is potty-training. Some of mine have been so easy I could take all the credit and write a book. Others still don't seem to get it. Next week, we're working with Harmony. Wish me luck.)

* The longer you train, the more faith you have in your training plan. You start to understand that whoever designed that thing really does know what he's doing. You gain confidence that the plan has been designed to bring you to the point of stress, not past that to the point of injury. You gain confidence that you'll be able to handle the next long run because of how well you did on the last one. You start to see the benefits you are gaining from those long runs, and you begin to see that your final goal will eventually be within reach if you are able to follow the plan to the end.

* A successful marathon or half-marathon is really just a culmination of lots and lots of runs over a period of months. We celebrate the end achievement, but rarely consider all the work it took to build up to that point. Similarly, we often celebrate the talent of a great musician at a recital or the achievement of a valedictorian, but we don't really think about the many hours of practice that went into that talent or the many papers, assignments, and late-night study sessions that went into all those A's.

* Your only competitor is yourself. After I passed my cute cheering section on the half-marathon, my kids asked my husband if mommy was going to win. He pointed out to them that very few people run long distances to win. Most of them are running just to finish, and that finishing IS winning in a race like that.

There are some few runners who are genetically gifted and combine that with enough training to really be the fastest in the world. The rest of us work in the real world, where there will always be someone faster than us. So what's the point of running if you're not out there to beat someone? Well, you can always work to be better than you were before. You can work to run further, or faster, or more gracefully. Or you can work to develop the strength for more hilly routes. Or you can run for pleasure, for fitness or for the friendship with other runners.

I will probably never be fast, but I am much faster than when I began. And that's enough for me, for now. But if I let it bother me and tried to run faster just because I think I should be as good as my neighbor or someone else, then I've lost sight of what's most important: my own growth and development, compared with my own abilities and talents.

I love the parable of the talents in the New Testament. To one was given five talents, another two, and the third just a single talent by their master. A talent at that time was actually a large sum of money, so even the one given just a single talent would be considered rich. When the master returned, the first had taken his five, and added five more to it. The second had added two more to his two talents. The last had decided to simply hide his talent in the earth.

It wasn't whether a servant had more or less talents than another that counted; it was what he did with them. I may not have the natural running talent of someone else, or the unlimited patience or the discipline skills of another, but I'm not judged compared to someone else. I'm judged based on what I did with what I've been given. That's a comforting thought.

* Similarly, the race doesn't go to the swift or the strong, but to those who endure to the end.

* You can't run faster than you have strength. You can try, and you might even succeed for a short period of time, but inevitably, you'll crash and burn.

* It is important to pace yourself, especially for a long run. Anyone can sprint for a few hundred yards, but if you try to run too fast in the beginning of a long run, it makes the rest of the run much, much harder. Many injuries in long runs have been attributed to running too fast at the beginning. An experienced runner tries to find a pace that would result in negative splits, where the second half of a run is slightly faster than the first half. Most world records in long distances are set that way, and most races are won with negative splits.

I once made the mistake of trying to keep up with my daughter for the first mile of a run together, with the result that I hated the rest of the run. I was huffing and puffing and I couldn't even maintain my regular pace because I'd used up too much energy at the beginning.

In life, I've learned this lesson the hard way. Often, when I'm trying to improve, I choose too many areas of my life at once and then feel like a failure when I can't keep up with it all. But I'm learning to pace myself, to choose just a few habits at a time to work on.

Another aspect of this is the area of scheduling and trying to do too much. It's much better to do the most important things well than to take on too much and feel too stretched to do anything well. It's easy to say "yes" to every opportunity, but it takes maturity and wisdom to understand what pace you can handle and for how long.

And sometimes it changes. There have been a few changes in my life right now that have meant I've had to slow my pace and cut back on extra things. Other times, I have more abundant time and energy to do more. Understanding what season you are in and what is a reasonable pace for you comes with experience, thoughtfulness and prayer.

* No one can run your race for you. Encouragement, praise, helpful advice and even running alongside you can do much to make your running easier, but the only miles that benefit you are the ones you run yourself. Knowing that a friend has run a marathon and hearing their experience can encourage you in your doubts, but you have to do your own training.

Similarly, we all carry burdens and troubles and while others can encourage, advise, and do much to help us carry that burden, the act of carrying it still belongs to us.

* It is easy to lose your ability to run. All you have to do is stop running for several weeks. One study showed that after three weeks of no running, the athletes they studied lost up to 50% of their fitness. I experienced some of this in February. I was training for a 10K in March and was up to running five miles at a time when my treadmill broke. It was a month before it was fixed and when I ran again, I found even two miles was a struggle. I felt so frustrated, because I didn't understand that I could lose what I'd gained so quickly.

I think this applies to our spiritual fitness as well. It doesn't take many weeks without prayer or scripture study to lose faith and spiritual strength. It's the constant, daily striving that keep up our fitness for life. Without that, we quickly lose our way.

* On the other hand, it takes work, but you can build your strength back up. I had to start where I was at, but once my treadmill was fixed, I was able to begin training again. It took about five weeks before I felt like I was back to where I was when it broke. You can lose fitness, but you can also gain it back. The body is forgiving and something that may seem lost (such as the ability to run you may have had in high school) can be found again, if you are willing to start where you are at and build slowly.

* * *
Have you learned life lessons in unexpected places? If you are a runner, what lessons have you learned from the sport? Any ideas to add to the ones I've given here?

Seven Years with Twins

2011-06-29T07:02:00.001-06:00

I know it sounds trite, but it really doesn't seem like seven years have passed since Sarah . . .

and Allison . . .

joined our family.

Of all my kids, these two have challenged me the most. They are bright, curious, active, delightful, and simply amazing. I have so many wonderful memories . . .

The day I thought I was losing a pregnancy and instead found out I was having twins -- I couldn't sleep that night I was so excited.

The way that pregnancy was SO uncomfortable the last few months and how desperate I was to be delivered.
The way the older three (ages 5, 3, and 2) embraced these little babies, and how I went from a mom with three kids close in age to a mom with my hands full.

The way they loved each other and started to interact at an early age.

That first, amazing year watching these two girls develop their own unique personalities.

And the way I love to watch them grow up together.

Age 1:

Age 2 (the year I barely survived!):

(they might kill me for this photo later -- but this epitomizes what that year was like)

Age 3:

Age 4:

Age 5:

Age 6:

age 7:

Happy Birthday Allison and Sarah!

Why I run

2011-06-20T08:56:00.012-06:00

"Hey, I wanted to tell you I'm really proud of you," said my elderly neighbor the day after my half-marathon run. "You've done a great job with your running and your weight loss," he continued. "But I wanted to ask why you are trying to run a marathon?"

"Well, the biggest reason is that we know there are more children and I've got to be healthy and strong enough to be able to handle pregnancy and keep up with all the kids I've got. I also need a goal to keep me motivated."

"Well," he said, "there's two ways to look at fitness, you know. You can train to be fit, or you can try to run a marathon just to say you've run a marathon." He then warned me about pushing too hard and crashing, with the clear message that he thought training for a marathon wasn't very smart.

The conversation ended soon after, but his advice, though a bit unwelcome, made me consider again all the reasons I'm doing this. I don't think ego is one of them (though you're free to disagree if you like!). I've never been particularly impressed by other people's running. I just figured there are some people who can run, and then, well, there's me. I'm not a runner and if you had told me three years ago I would run a half-marathon and then train for a full, I would have laughed in your face. I didn't run then, and I thought it was just something that wasn't really possible for me, much less something I'd enjoy.

And then, two years ago, something changed. I began to run, a little bit at a time until I could run a mile without stopping, then two, and then three. I ran a 5K during the worst part of my last pregnancy and kept running at shorter distances until I was about six months along.

But I still didn't enjoy the running. It was something I was doing for fitness and for exercise, but not because I looked forward to it. In January, with Katie finally sleeping a little better, I knew I needed to do something to get back in shape before the rest of our kids arrive. I planned to run a half marathon on June 11 and began training for a 10K in March (which I wasn't able to run in because my treadmill broke a month before the race).

My reasons for running have changed a lot in the past six months. When I started in January, they were primarily two-fold:

lose weight.
get back in shape.

But as the months have passed and I've continued to run, my goals have started to change. I'm not running primarily for weight loss anymore, though it sure is nice that it's part of the package! About eight weeks into my training for the half marathon, I actually began to enjoy some of my runs. It felt amazing to go a little farther in the long run each week, and from that point on, I never had a long run that I didn't love. Yes, strange as it may seem, "love" and "running" started to together in my mind.

That's not to say I've loved every run. Some have been really tough. I've felt sluggish and slow and weak sometimes. Ironically, it's the shorter runs that give me the most trouble sometimes, and certain times of the month are harder than others. I'll get out for three miles and loathe it, asking myself, "How come it's so hard to go three miles when I went eight (or ten or twelve) miles just last week? Shouldn't this be getting easier?"

But it is getting easier. I avoided hills the first few months of my training, but now, I look forward to tackling them. I used to scoff at the guidelines for running -- you are working at an appropriate level if you can carry on a conversation -- What? Really? Some people can talk and run at the same time? Impossible!

But now, I can do that. I can keep up a conversation throughout both short and long runs. Last week's 10.5 miles was run with a new friend and while we huffed our way a bit through some tough hills, we also had a great two-hour conversation.

I decided as I ran further and further that I would need one more race to keep my motivation up through the summer, so I added the Hobble Creek Half Marathon to my schedule in August.

But still, up until the night I signed up for the St. George marathon lottery, I never really thought I was "marathon" material. I comforted myself with the thought that I probably wouldn't get in anyway, and I panicked a little with the thought that maybe I'd be pregnant by then and not able to run. But DH was supportive and we decided that even if something interfered with the marathon, like an injury or a pregnancy, the worst that could happen is that I'd lose the entry fee. And the best that could happen is that I run a marathon, lose the rest of the weight, and gain all the benefits from the training along the way. Pretty good trade-offs.

So now, if I were to articulate the reasons I'm training for a marathon, they'd go something like this:

Running has taught me some amazing life lessons (blog post to follow).
I think, just maybe, I might love to run.
I know I love to run long distances.
I still have thirty pounds to lose (though I'm down 33 now!)
I'm starting to think that maybe I really can do this.
I love running in races and it doesn't bother me that I'm at the back of the pack -- there's just more people to encourage back there! It feels great to accomplish something and to cheer on all the others who have made an effort to be there.
I'm turning something that was a weakness into a strength, and I'm learning something about myself and my capacities in the process.
I love how great I feel after any run longer than four miles.
I love that I can come home from even a long 10-mile run and carry on the rest of the day as if nothing unusual has happened. It doesn't wear me out or take away from my family.
Raising a large family takes an enormous amount of energy and dedication, just like running a marathon. If I can gain the strength and push through the trials of running to reach my goal, then I'm so much better prepared for the marathon which is my life.
I want to be fit enough so that I can quickly rebound from the challenges of pregnancy, particularly as I get older (I'm 33 now). I want to get strong enough so that it's easy to get back into running after the necessary breaks I will take on behalf of my unborn children.
I want to set a good example of fitness and goal-setting for my kids.
I want to become a life-long runner, with the fitness to play basketball with my teenagers, and the energy to keep up with the possibly-huge number of grandchildren I might enjoy.

(by the way, I don't really run with my arms up high like that -- I was just hamming in front of the camera.)

Ultimately, I don't think running a marathon "just to say I've run a marathon" enters into the equation. I'm going into this prepared to adjust my expectations and my goals if life brings me the unexpected, and I'm being careful to train at a level I can sustain without injury. I know a bit about interrupted goals, and if I get pregnant sooner than I expect, I can either adjust my plans for the marathon or put it off a few years.

So, thanks for the advice, my friend. I understand the risks of pushing too hard and I will be careful. But still, I'm headed for that finish line, even if it doesn't happen on October 1st.

Vote for me!

2011-06-16T21:07:00.008-06:00

I'm a finalist over at Power of Moms for the "Best of the Blogs" about Deliberate Motherhood.

I'm pleased, flattered, and excited, to be chosen out of SO many wonderful blogs. In fact, I think I look like this about it:

(only not as young and cute)

Please vote for me if you think my blog:

Is uplifting and motivating but also real
Offers lots of meaningful and replicable ideas
Helps moms process and learn from the experiences of motherhood

You can vote here!

And if you are just visiting for the first time, here's a sampling of posts you might enjoy:

Our Collective Memory Loss

On Finding Time

On Finding Balance, Part One, Part Two, and Part Three

Life with Your Hands Full (an interview on Living a Big Story)

Arizona Trip (Wordless Wednesday)

2011-06-15T12:04:00.007-06:00

Utah Valley Half Marathon

2011-06-13T10:42:00.002-06:00

I modified my race shirt. Just a bit. Do you like it?
I'm sure you've been dying to hear how the race went, right? I know some of you will want to know every detail and the rest would rather have the short version. So, here are three versions for your reading pleasure:

The Short Version

I came. I saw. I conquered. Go me.
(Now skip to the end and tell me how impressed you are.)

The Medium Version

Mile 1: So cool. Lots of people. Tons of Excitement
Mile 2: Wait a second, how come this road is concrete?
Mile 3: Ouch, ouch, ouch. Left knee, what is happening to you? In thirteen weeks of training, the only injury I had was a teeny little blister. Here it is race day, and you decide to give out on me? No fair.
Mile 3-6: Why is this road still concrete? Left knee, are you and I going to make it another 10 miles? If I promise to let you walk some, will you be my friend to the end? How about if I stretch you out a bit more? Will you promise to stop throbbing if I run on the side of the road in the dirt?
Mile 7-9: Finally, asphalt roads. I'm out of the canyon and starting to think I might finish the race. Knee pain gets worse while I run, but subsides a bit while I walk it out. Run, hurt, walk, repeat.
Mile 9: No bandages at the aid station. But hey, free drugs hanging out and ready for the taking. I take two Advil and start wondering how long it will take to take effect.
Mile 10: I can do this. I run with a nice girl named Anita and we stay together for several miles.
Mile 11.5: Pain in the knee is starting to subside (wow, those drugs really do work), and I know my family is just a half mile away. I tell Anita to catch me later and I sprint the next few blocks to see my kids.
Mile 12: Wow, that is one HUGE cheering section I've created. Eight kids sure generate a lot of excitement. Hugs from everyone and a "hurry up and win the race, mom" from the little ones. Joey hops into the road and runs a block with me. He's a lot faster than I am and I have to ask him to slow down.
Mile 13: Just a block to go. Why does everyone look like they're in pain? This is awesome! Other than the knee, the rest of my body is so ready for this.
Finish line: Cool! I made it. There's free food. My time? 2:50:12. Not too bad, knee, not too bad. If I promise to treat you nice from now on, do you promise never to do that again?
(Now skip to the end and tell me I'm amazing.)

The Long Version

I'm so proud of myself for seeing this through and for how much work went into training and preparing for yesterday. I enjoyed walking through the running expo on Friday night and picking up my packet full of advertisements for strange and exotic running gear and amazing races all over the state that I don't have time to run in. My shirt was way too long, so I shortened it, then added "Mom of 8" with eight little faces grinning underneath it on the back. I figured the extra encouragement wouldn't hurt.

I took a good nap on Friday afternoon, ate lots of carbs this week, including frozen yogurt Friday night with Lillian and my mother-in-law, and went to bed well before 10:00. The nap worked against me, however, as well as the anticipation and excitement, because I think I only slept an hour or two when the alarm went off at 3:30.

I showered, dressed and caught a bus at the Provo mall for the starting line. The half marathoners were to meet the buses there, while the marathoners were supposed to catch their bus just north of the Provo Marriott. The last bus for the half was due to leave at 4:30, while the last bus for the full was due to leave at 4:15. It was just about 4:15 when the ladies in line in front of me said, "Now this is the bus for the full marathon, right?"

We told them no, and tried to tell them where that bus left -- "It's right north of the Marriott." "Where's that?" was the response. "It's where you picked up your packet last night." "We didn't pick up our packets." We tried to give them directions even while we reminded them the bus left right then, and they took off running towards their car.

"I hope they make it" I commented to the guy in front of me. "That's one group that's probably not going to race today," he replied. "You train for a whole marathon and then don't pick up your packet and don't know where to meet your bus? Maybe they really don't want to run anyway."

It was fun to talk with the various people in line and see the thousands hanging around the fires at the start. I understand they capped the race at 2000 runners for the full and 2000 runners for the half and it was sold out. I sat on the bus by a brother and sister who were excited to run. When we got to the start, I sat down by two friends from Orem who had trained together for the race. I was surprised at the different levels of preparation for the race. The brother and sister had only run six and seven miles as their longest run before the race, while the two friends had worked about as hard as I had and had run twelve miles two weeks before.

It was cold at the start and I was glad for my jacket. Ten minutes before the 6:00 start, I took it off, strapped on my water belt, put my running tag with my race number on my bag, and tossed it in the back of a moving truck piled high with other navy blue bags tied with bib numbers. My muscles were cold, so I opted not to stretch at that point and joined the back of the pack at the starting line. Right on time, at 6:00 a.m., the pack began moving slowly towards the starting gates. Our bibs were pinned to the front of our shirts and the race was started individually for each runner as they each passed under the gate at the start and the finish.

I walked towards the start with a mother and daughter pair. With my jacket off, I started to get some comments on my shirt. The mother was one of ten, and I asked her advice for raising a big family. She said she had loved having so many siblings. Her mother was very organized and had all the kids performing in music, but she wasn't very nurturing, so she encouraged me to make sure I love my kids and express it often. I think I do a good job of that. Another mom told me I was amazing because she could barely handle her two kids. "Well, it's like adding a mile at a time in running; you add just one at a time," I told her, when she replied that she'd had twins first. Oh. I told her I had twins too, right in the middle, and she was shocked that I'd gone on to have more kids after twins.

I soon lost track of these runners in the surge towards the start. The loudspeaker reminded us all to walk through the start so our chips would register. Just a few steps from the gate, everyone started running. It was a slow but manageable pace at first and I held myself back from my regular pace, knowing it would be easy to go out too fast. I enjoyed the race atmosphere. The sun was just peeking out over the canyon and there was a good pack of runners. A few runners would comment on my shirt as I ran. There was a group in front of me wearing shirts that said PGFD, so I asked them what it meant. They were from the Pleasant Grove Fire Department. They had two teenage twins in their group who looked about 14 years old. I was to pass them and be passed by them several more times during the race. I was impressed how well the five or six of them stayed together throughout the whole race.

I was a bit concerned as the sun started to rise and I looked down to realize I was running on concrete, not asphalt. I hoped it wouldn't cause any problems (concrete is the worst thing to run on and I can feel a difference after a short time running on sidewalks versus asphalt) and I told myself that surely the road was only concrete through this part of the canyon and would soon give way to a softer surface. I would be wrong, but it was a comforting thought at the time.

I reminded myself that the first mile was for Katie, and I turned my thoughts to her. She was the one who arrived without an epidural and showed me I can handle more pain than I thought I could. She was the one who refused to sleep but who was so sweet and pure I considered our nightly nursing sessions a privilege. She is the delightful soul who charms us all. She lights up when she sees me and brings me joy.

The pack was still pretty crowded at this point and I passed the first mile marker without seeing it. When I checked my phone, I was past the first mile and running at about 12 or a 12:30 pace. I thought to myself how quickly I'd be able to make up the time a bit further into the race and congratulated myself on starting out slow. Then I tried to focus on Harmony, who was my second mile. Harmony, who lives up to her name and started her first steps at just eight months old. Harmony with her bright, shining personality and her absolute love for Katie, Harmony who loved the story I told her Friday night about "Princess Harmony" and then asked me, "tell a story now Ziza (Eliza) a princess."

The second mile passed quickly and I felt great weaving in between runners and walkers. There was an aid station handing out bananas, oranges and Powerade, and I walked while I ate my banana and cup of Powerade.

Sometime in the middle of the next mile, which I ran for Eliza, things started to change. I felt a sharp pain in my left knee that began to throb. I was so disappointed and I started to worry that it might be an injury I couldn't run on. I hoped it wouldn't get worse, even while I thought through all of my training. All those miles I'd logged and the worst thing I'd ever felt was soreness after a run and a teeny little blister on the end of my toe and then here it is, race day, and I'm injured? Of all the luck!

I took a short walk break and then started to run again. I moved to the shoulder of the road and tried to run on the loose dirt there for much of the next three miles. It was a struggle and part of it was the weight of the ten remaining miles. What would I do if my knee got worse? Would the pain work itself out? Could I stretch it and make it better? I ran a half mile or so with an attorney in Orem and our conversation took my mind off the pain a bit, but even with the distraction, there was no denying there was sometihng wrong. There was a good hill towards the end of the third mile. I barely noticed the uphill; I've run a lot of uphill the last month. But still, I had to stop before the top because the pain got worse.

During mile four and five, which I ran for Allison and Sarah, I thought of how they turned my life upside down. I was a mom of three little ones close in age, but they turned me into a mom of many when they were born. I thought of how sweet they were as babies and how crazy they were as toddlers. I thought of how they catch snakes and keep them in their window well, how they love all of God's creatures and tackle life head-on.

It was also during this time I decided to use the strategy that got me through labor to deal with my knee pain. I began to rate the pain and decided that it was about a three out of ten when it started and probably a four or five during the runs. During my short walking breaks, it would subside, but it would start back up again every time I ran. I'd run until it got to about a six, when the pain began to interfere with my form and it felt like I was running on a twisted knee. A short walk break would get the pain back to a three when I'd begin to run again. Run, walk and repeat. Run, walk, and repeat.

The pain was the worst around mile six and seven, run for Michael and Joey, when there was no shoulder to run on and I was back on concrete a good part of the time. I remembered how sweet and thoughtful Michael was even as a baby and how he's becoming more responsible this week, asking daily for extra jobs to earn work hours. I thought of how Joey is becoming goal-oriented, with big plans. I recalled how hard he was as a toddler and how the only way to get him to take naps was to turn on a Thomas the Train DVD in my computer and have him sit in the rocking chair (because he refused to lie down). I thought of what a great relationship we have and how much I enjoy his company.

I checked my phone every so often and was pleased to see that even with my short walk breaks, I was running between 13 and 13:30 minute miles. I kept up that pace through the next miles as well. About mile eight, with the pain not getting too much worse (except when I'd run for too long), I felt more confident that the knee wouldn't get worse and I'd be able to finish the race strong.

I began to fall into rhythm with various other runners and I enjoyed getting to know them. I asked a man about his shirt, which had two dates on the back. "I'm running for my son who passed away two years ago," he replied. I had to smile at the people who skipped the porta-potty lines and headed straight for the bushes instead. I ran for a bit with a gal from Colorado, who was looking forward to the spectators as we got out of the canyon (I think she was probably disappointed, however, as there weren't that many and they were mostly quietly watching for their own runners rather than cheering for the masses who passed them).

Mile eight was for Lillian, who made me a mother. The pain in my foot was getting worse and I had to take more walk breaks and let some of my running partners run on without me. I used the time to text my husband and tell him where I was.

I'd planned on running mile nine for my husband, mile ten for me, mile eleven for the past, twelve for the future and the last mile in gratitude for my blessings, but about this time, I got caught up in the excitement of the race and didn't really pay attention to which mile I was on. I cheered for everyone who passed me and told the ones I passed how strong they were and how great they were looking. I loved smiling through those last miles. Instead of knowing which mile I was on, it was "just five miles to go!" and then "just a 5K left" and then "Just a mile until I see my family." That last one was the most motivating of all!

About this time, I fell into running with a new friend named Anita. Anita had only run nine miles as her longest run and was really feeling it, so she was happy to take walk breaks with me and it was wonderful getting to know her. She's a MPA student at BYU with two kids ages 9 and 7. She does divorce mediation and has horses. We enjoyed our discussions and motivated each other through the miles.

I stopped at a first aid station at mile nine and asked the EMT about what to do about my knee, which was throbbing. I'd been hobbling a bit through the last mile and figured it couldn't hurt to ask. They'd run out of bandages but he suggested I try some of the ibuprofen they had on the table -- free drugs ready for the taking! I found that weird. I took two and hoped they'd help. Anita stopped with me and we did a good run and walk through the next two miles.

Around mile ten, we started to get passed by some amazingly fast marathoners. It was easy to tell who they were -- they were the tall skinny dudes who looked straight ahead and never changed their expression as they breezed past going faster than should be possible at mile 23 in a full marathon. It was so motivating to see how fast these guys were and what the human body is capable of. I cheered for them all, though I doubt they even noticed.

The pain in my knee started to subside about that same time and I started to speed up as I approached the spot in front of the Glenwood apartments where I knew my family was waiting. Aaron texted me telling me the twins were high-fiving all the runners and I couldn't wait to see them. With apologies to Anita, I left her behind as I sprinted through the next block. It was thrilling to catch sight of my crew on the corner. "That's my family right there!" I told a couple of my new running friends and I ran over and got hugs from them as well as encouragement to "hurry up and win, Mommy!" It's hard to describe how much it meant to me to see these ten people (including my wonderful mother-in-law) there to love and encourage me. Joey ran the next block with me.

Then it was just a little over a mile left. The ground was concrete again, but still I ran pretty fast through that last little bit. There were lots of grimaces and pain on the faces around me and I tried to encourage the runners I passed and cheer on the ones who passed me. I marveled that even though my knee was bothering me a bit and I cursed the concrete road, I felt wonderful and strong. I had none of the struggle I'd had in my training run three weeks ago, when I ran the full distance. Because the week prior had only been ten miles, the last three were hard, hard, hard. This time, though I felt tired, it really wasn't a struggle at all to get through those last miles. It made me glad I'd gone the full distance, and I told myself I'd do the full marathon distance before St. George as well.

The finish line was full of cheering fans. I crossed the line, watched a bit for Anita (though I never saw her), then wandered over to the pizza tent and got myself a slice. I absorbed the race atmosphere, took a picture or two with my cell phone (but I still don't know how to download them -- my phone is smarter than I am), then hopped aboard a packed bus going back to the mall where we'd left our cars. I stood in the aisle with a bunch of other tired-but-thrilled runners. We'd gone a block when I realized I hadn't remembered to pick up my gear bag, which had my keys in it. So I sat in the first seat and pretended to be engrossed in my phone while everyone else got off the bus. I went back to the start, had another piece of pizza, picked up my stuff, decided against waiting in the long line for a free massage, and spent five to ten minutes stretching before I got back on a less-crowded bus. The girl across from me looked about dead. The guy behind her said he'd watched a marathoner pass the finish line just ahead of him. The marathoner was running like the wind, but the second he crossed the line, he fell down and passed out.

Back at home, the kids were convinced I'd won the race because I got a medal.

I was really sore yesterday, but going up and down stairs was not nearly as painful as it was the day after I ran the thirteen miles last time, and I'm hopeful that the knee pain was just a fluke from running on concrete and not a sidelining injury. I logged my miles on DailyMile yesterday and realized I was at a total mileage of 247 for the year. Joey came on an easy three mile run with me this morning to bring that total up to 250. We had a great time together and -- blessings -- my knee didn't give me trouble at all. I felt stiff there, but I felt stiff everywhere else as well.

I am so proud of my race. I'm thankful to God that the culmination of my training meant a great race despite my first injury. I'm so thankful that I didn't have to stop short and that I was able to smile through the last five miles. I'm thankful for my family for their support and excitement, and I'm thankful for my body, which has given me eight amazing children and is capable of more than I thought possible.